John Edwards Jokes

"How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary." --David Letterman

"The other guy who dropped out this week I have the highest regards for -- John Edwards. That's his platform that they are running on. He worked his ass off. He never got enough oxygen with those two show ponies in the race. It was like being on the red carpet when George Clooney shows up." --Bill Maher

"John Edwards also dropped out of the race today. He said he wants to spend more time with his haircut." --David Letterman

"Don't worry about Edwards. He's going back to hosting 'Wheel of Fortune,' so he'll be fine." --David Letterman

"Giuliani said he's going to stay active. He said he will endorse John McCain; whereas Edwards surprised everyone by saying he will endorse Herbal Essence Fruit Fusions Volumizing shampoo." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Not such good news for John Edwards. He came in third. Third. Proving, yes, there are two Americas and neither one is voting for him." --Jay Leno

"Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the leading Democratic presidential candidates will hold a gay debate. It will be a televised debate to discuss just gay issues. Well, how much is John Edwards going to spend on his hair for that one? We're looking at a $1,500 haircut." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards apologized for his $400 haircut. He said it was a mistake ... especially in the back, where they didn't feather enough." --Jay Leno

"Did anyone see it? It was really weird. John Edwards, after his rebuttal, he demanded two minutes for conditioner." --David Letterman, on the Democratic presidential debate

"While you folks were applauding, John Edwards raised another $3 million for haircuts. ... John Edwards ... is trying to show folks he is a hawk. Today he declared a war on split ends." --David Letterman

"Here's the worst part: Earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial." --David Letterman

"Campaign records now reveal that John Edwards is using his campaign money to get $400 haircuts in Beverly Hills. ... He said he only went to the expensive stylist because they are friends. Friends? What kind of friend charges $400 for a haircut?" --Jay Leno

"More terrifying news on the 2008 presidential election front ... John Edwards has taken the lead in the Iowa polls. What's really frightening about this is Edwards' socialist rhetoric [on screen: Edwards talking about eliminating poverty.] That's class warfare, folks. Eliminating poverty? Who's going to pay for that? Not the poor. They don't have any cash. " --Stephen Colbert

"There was a big scare at the John Edwards campaign headquarters. It was evacuated after a staff member opened an envelope containing white powder. Turns out it was just some of John Edwards' age-defying make-up base." --Jay Leno

"In a speech in Iowa, Barack Obama described John Edwards as cute and good looking. How does this make Hillary feel? ... Apparently, Edwards spends more time on his hair." --Jay Leno

"Kind of an embarrassing situation for Al Gore with his whole global warming thing. Turns out his Tennessee home has been using 20 times the energy as the average household. To be fair, it is still not as much energy as John Edwards' blow-dryer is using." --Jay Leno

"Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards -- you know, the man who always says there are two Americas -- is moving into a brand new, $6 million, 28,000-square foot home on 102 acres. Well, I think we know which America he's living in." --Jay Leno

"Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards ... is now being criticized by conservatives for living in a mansion while talking about poverty. As opposed to Republicans, who live in a mansion and talk about a tax cut." --Jay Leno

"All the presidential candidates were very busy this weekend. John Edwards traveled over 500 miles, and that was just from his front door to his swimming pool." --Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman