John Edwards Jokes

"President Obama went on Fox News tonight to pitch his plan for healthcare reform. Obama going on Fox News? That’s like John Edwards going on ‘The Marriage Ref.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview in GQ magazine, John Edwards’s mistress said she slept with him on the first day they met, but she wasn’t his mistress, she was just playing the role. And, apparently, the audition went so well, she got the job!" -Jay Leno

"Rielle Hunter told GQ that she will love John Edwards until death do us part, to which Elizabeth Edwards said, ‘You know, I can arrange that.'" -Jay Leno

"I am stunned that John Edwards made a sex tape. Do you realize this guy is basically Paris Hilton with better hair? That's all he is." –Jay Leno

"And, of course, Edwards has no remorse. Today, he called ABC to see if he could be the next 'Bachelor.'" –Jay Leno

"This is pretty sleazy. John Edwards' former aide says in an upcoming interview that Edwards asked him to steal a diaper from the baby to do a DNA test. Apparently the test showed that both the diaper and John Edwards are full of crap." -Jay Leno

"John Edwards has finally admitted that he is the father of his mistress's baby. He says he is so ashamed, he can hardly look at himself in the mirror. On the bright side, it frees up an extra four hours of the day for him." --Jimmy Fallon

"How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"John Edwards has admitted to having an affair, but he's denying that he is the father of the woman's baby. In fact, he says a member of his campaign staff is the baby's father. Campaign staff, how does that work? What, was Edwards running late that day? Huh? Had to send an advance man in? 'Look, I can’t have sex with you. I'm sending Bob down." --Jay Leno

"According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are trying to get Angelina Jolie's endorsement for the campaign, and John Edwards is just trying to get her number." --Craig Ferguson

"John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn't realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer." --Jon Stewart

"I guess Edwards apparently met this woman at a New York City bar in 2006, and he is a pretty smooth operator. ... You hear his opening line to the woman? 'So, uh, which America are you from?'" --Jay Leno

"You know what ... it turns out she was his campaign videographer. Yeah, there you go. Think there'll be a sex tape coming soon, huh?" --Jay Leno

"Well, Democrats are furious, they're going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down." --Jay Leno

"Well, the other big political story, if you believe there are two Americas, then John Edwards is in trouble in both of them. Do you know about this? The mainstream media [is] now starting to report a story that was first broken by the National Enquirer that John Edwards was caught leaving his girlfriend's hotel room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel at 2:00 in the morning. The woman had a room at the Beverly Hilton. So, at least he is not another politician screwing the poor." --Jay Leno

"Well, here's the latest on John Edwards' vice presidential chances. Too much vice, not enough presidential. Have you heard this story? The mainstream media is now starting to report on a story that was first broken by the National Enquirer this week. The National Enquirer claimed they caught John Edwards visiting his mistress at 2:40 in the morning at the Beverly Hills hotel Monday night. And when a team of reporters confronted him, he ran and hid in the men's room! And you know who was in there? Senator Larry Craig. What are the odds?" -Jay Leno

"How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary." --David Letterman

"The other guy who dropped out this week I have the highest regards for -- John Edwards. That's his platform that they are running on. He worked his ass off. He never got enough oxygen with those two show ponies in the race. It was like being on the red carpet when George Clooney shows up." --Bill Maher

"John Edwards also dropped out of the race today. He said he wants to spend more time with his haircut." --David Letterman

"Don't worry about Edwards. He's going back to hosting 'Wheel of Fortune,' so he'll be fine." --David Letterman

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

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