"Let's be clear: None of these guys made me. This great nation made me. So vote for me. God bless America and forget these three idiots." --on the dispute between Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, and Jon Stewart over who made Mike Huckabee
"When we were in college we used to take a popcorn popper -- because that was the only thing they would let us have in the dorms -- and fry squirrels in the popcorn popper." (Watch video clip
"There's a greater chance that I would dye my hair green and get tattoos all over my body and do a rock tour with Amy Winehouse than there is that I would run for the Senate, so let me put that to rest. Somehow, just imagine me, green hair, on tour with Amy Winehouse, ain't happening, not running for the Senate, done deal, absolutely no way."
"I'm from Hope, Arkansas, you may have heard of it. All I'm asking is, give us one more chance."
"I'm pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can't wait!" --speaking to an NRA group
"We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop."
"Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office...that's what Jesus would do." --after being asked if Jesus would have supported the death penalty
"Whether we need to send somebody to Mars, I don't know. But I'll tell you what, if we do, I've got a few suggestions, and maybe Hillary could be on the first rocket."
"Which one?" --to Mitt Romney, after the former Massachusetts governor told him not to try and characterize his position on Iraq
"And the ultimate thing is, I may not be the expert that some people are on foreign policy, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God. And thats what we need to do is amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than trying to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family."
"The point I'm trying to make is that, on the campaign trail, nobody's going to be able, if they've been campaigning as hard as we have been, to keep up with every single thing, from what happened to Britney last night to who won 'Dancing with the Stars.'" --explaining why he was unfamiliar with the National Intelligence Estimate on Iran's nuclear capability
"We ought to declare that we will be free of energy consumption in this country within a decade."
"If anybody wants to believe they're the descendants of a primate, they'e welcome to do it." --answering a question about evolution
"If a person dresses provocatively, they're calling attention -- maybe not the most desirable kind -- to private parts of their body." --after being asked whether he's against miniskirts
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman