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Michele Bachmann Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN)

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See Also:
Craziest Michele Bachmann Quotes Ever
Best Jokes About the 2012 GOP Candidates
Best Cartoons on the 2012 GOP Candidates

"Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll. She said she hasn't been this excited since she won last year's 'Who's Crazier Than Sarah Palin' contest.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann was asked if she was a submissive wife. She said no, but her husband is." –Jay Leno

"New reports say that President Obama’s re-election team is going to try to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They’re also going to try to portray Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'" –Conan O'Brien

"An audio recording from five years ago has been released of Michele Bachmann predicting the end of the world. Her exact words were, 'I'm going to run for president in 2012.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann suffers from crippling migraine headaches. That's what happens when you don't get a little pornography every now and then." –David Letterman

"Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann is kind of like Sarah Palin but without the charisma — or marksmanship. You know, maybe we should stop telling kids that anyone can grow up to be president of the United States." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Michele Bachmann signed pledge in Iowa recently about protecting marriage, but it also said stuff about black children having it better when they were raised during slavery. Now her campaign is saying that while, yes, she did sign the pledge, she didn't read it first. And had she read it, she never would have signed it in the first place. Well, thank God presidents don't have to sign anything so important they have to read it first." –Jay Leno

"Michele Bachmann says she will launch her presidential campaign in either Massachusetts or New Hampshire as soon as she figures out which is which. There could be some eligibility problems for her. She has her birth certificate, but nobody can produce her high school diploma." —Jay Leno

"Michele Bachmann threw her hat into the ring. We think she's going to be running for president. For those who find Sarah Palin too intellectual. Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?" —Bill Maher

"The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary because experts say 9.5 is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider Michele Bachmann." –Bill Maher

"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno

"Rep. Michele Bachmann created controversy when she said in a speech that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly until slavery was no more. Apparently she spent her high school history class looking off to the right of the blackboard." –Seth Meyers

"Tea Party rebutter Michele Bachmann is under fire for saying the Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote." –Jay Leno

"There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take." –Bill Maher

"You saw the big controversy with Michele Bachmann. She did not look directly into the camera, which made it harder for the teabaggers to masturbate." –Bill Maher "She didn't look into the camera. She said Ameican was created by a miracle, and secret armies of IRS agents are trying to take awa your light bubls. And then Sarah Palin tweeted, 'Game on, bitch." –Bill Maher

"Rep. Michele Bachmann gave a rebuttal for the Tea Party, and she is a natural on camera. [She looked to the side the whole time.] Either the cue cards were in the wrong place or she was keeping an eye out for illegal immigrants the whole time." –Jimmy Kimmel
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