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Newt Gingrich Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About GOP Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich

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Newt Gingrich Jokes
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Dumbest Quotes by the 2012 GOP Candidates

"In Florida, Mitt Romney won the Republican presidential primary election. He beat Newt Gingrich handily. Political analysts believe that elderly voters in Florida rejected Newt Gingrich because of fears that he would eventually leave them for a younger state." –Jimmy Kimmel

“Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.” –David Letterman

"Newt Gingrich was cheating on his second wife while he was prosecuting Bill Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. In other words, Newt puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"You're not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are the Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!" –Jon Stewart, on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider

"Newt Gingrich served divorce papers on his first wife while she was dying of cancer. Today his second wife went all divorce court on his ass, saying after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, he asked her to have an open marriage, while publicly touting the sanctity of traditional marriage. His new slogan is 'Open your legs, America.'" –Jon Stewart

"Can Newt Gingrich be reclassified as a pollutant? A carcinogen? The guy’s like the dioxin of husbands." –Jon Stewart

"Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century." –David Letterman

"Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who ran up a half-million dollar bill at Tiffany?" –David Letterman

"Herman Cain is ahead with 27%, as opposed to Newt Gingrich, who is 27% head." –Stephen Colbert

"Newt Gingrich is so pro-marriage, he can't stop doing it. He is so morally upright, that he's only had sex after he was married. Just not always to the woman he was married to." —Stephen Colbert

"It has gotten so bad in the party that Newt Gingrich is now starting to surge, which is never good news for Mrs. Gingrich." –Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich has a new campaign slogan: 'Now hiring!' Sixteen of Gingrich's top staff quit last week, and today, two of his top fundraisers quit. He's not even president and he's already raising the unemployment rate." –Jay Leno

"Most of Newt Gingrich's campaign staff quit on the same day, and some people are blaming Newt's third wife. When asked about it, Newt said, 'I'll win them back with my fourth wife.'" —Conan O'Brien

"A gay activist dumped glitter all over Newt Gingrich. He wants Newt to stop being against gay marriage. But Newt believes marriage is a sacred bond between a man and his wife and his mistress and the other woman he's seeing on the side." —Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions — specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife." —Stephen Colbert

"Some people say Newt Gingrich may have trouble winning over traditional values voters because he has had three marriages. So as a result, the campaign has announced a new slogan, 'Newt Gingrich, so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Newt Gingrich made it official: he's in. Not in the presidential race -- in a trivia book called 'Whatever Happened to Last Century's Biggest A**holes?'" —Bill Maher

‎ "Everyone in the blamestream media, copyright, is saying Newt Gingrich is on the ropes. Wrong, you parasites. This man will rise again, just like the sourdough he appears to be made of." —Stephen Colbert

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off." —Jay Leno

"Newt's been struggling in the polls, he lost most of his staff, then he lost the rest of his staff. And to top it off, he lost the startup disc for his wife." –Stephen Colbert

"Newt Gingrich said he's afraid America will become an atheist country dominated by radical Islamists. Right. Our big problem could be religious atheists, almost as bad as pacifist warmongers. If they hook up with the communist capitalists we're screwed." —Jay Leno

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