George Allen Jokes

"This week Virginia Senator George Allen introduced a bill to help black farmers. He said this wasn't to make up for anything he's said in the past. No, this going to make up for the stuff he says in the future." --Jay Leno

"More problems for Virginia Senator George Allen. As you know, he's been accused of making racially insensitive remarks. A number of classmates of Allen's have come forward and said he used the 'N' word quite a bit. He says he doesn't remember that. You know the reason he doesn't remember? Because he never said it to a black guy." --Jay Leno

"Virginia Republican Senator George Allen is in trouble for repeatedly making racially insensitive remarks, insulting people for their background and displaying Confederate memorabilia in his office. I don't get it. Today he blamed the whole thing on the Jewish-controlled media." --Jay Leno

"I'm really looking forward to hearing from George Allen, Republican Senator from Virginia. At a debate last Monday, the senator skirted a question about rumors his mother was Jewish. A day later, he released a statement announcing that the rumors were true, and that he's known about his Jewish heritage for about a month. The guy knew for a month? He didn't say bupkis. Senator Allen, your newfound heritage comes with a heavy responsibility -- making the Republican Party look diverse. Let's face it, the only other famous Republican Jew I can think of is Joe Lieberman. You wasted a whole month, senator, when the big tent could have looked a little bigger. Hey, if Ken Mehlman found out he was black tomorrow, you would know about it." --Stephen Colbert

"Midterms are a few months away. The intensity is picking up. Republican Senator/possible '08 presidential candidate George Allen of Virginia campaigning hard. George Allen was pointing out that his opponent in the Senate race, James Webb had sent someone to videotape all of George Allen's appearances -- which is not a very nice thing to do because George Allen says some really stupid s**t. Like, 'Let's all welcome macaca over here to America.' Although in Allen's defense, he didn't know that the gentleman was already a citizen and didn't need to be welcomed to America, or that his name wasn't 'macaca.' I think Allen just assumed the gentleman looked 'macaca-ish'" --Jon Stewart

"As we know, Virginia is for lovers, and while as a state they've made progress, there are still signs of its segregationist past [on screen: water fountains with 'Lovers' and 'Non Lovers' signs above them]. That past looms large in this year's Senate race between incumbent George Allen and former Navy Secretary Jim Webb. The two are in a virtual dead heat following a series of allegations of racism against Allen. I believe you remember the first incident [on screen: Allen's 'macaca' comment]. Ah, macaca? Is that racism, or dickism?. But then the flood gates reopened. Reports surfaced that Allen had once kept a confederate flag in his living room and a noose in his law office and that he regularly used the 'N' word in college. I can only assume the 'N' word for him being nacaca. And of course, just this morning the startling revelation -- Allen once had 400 slaves on a schooner named the Zulu Demon II." --Jon Stewart

"So where does the race stand now, with just over a month to go? (George) Allen has angered Blacks, Jews and Macacans, while (Jim) Webb has angered Women and The Horny. Virginia, now it's up to you which one of these two men will help you build a bridge, to let's say, the early- to mid- 20th century." --Jon Stewart