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Bristol Palin Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Bristol Palin

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"One awkward moment, though, during the game. Maybe you heard about it, maybe you saw it on one of the highlight reels, one awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game. During the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." --David Letterman (Read about the controversy sparked by this joke)

"And with all this going on, did you see what Sarah Palin said yesterday? She made a speech in Alaska and she said that the money the federal government is sending to states to help bail out, well that's not good, because that's the federal government getting in there and trying to 'control people.' Yes that's right, Sarah, it's all about the Federal Reserve making your daughter use a condom." --Bill Maher

"It looks like a catfight is breaking out among the Republican Party's younger members, both of them, because Bristol Palin is on an abstinence tour, promoting abstinence. What a good person to do that. And she says abstinence is the only thing that works." --Bill Maher

"And some sad news. Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's daughter, has broken up with babydaddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned when I heard. I mean, really, if two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?" --Jay Leno

"Bristol Palin, remember Bristol Palin? Sarah Palin's knocked up daughter? She was going to marry the young hockey player, Levi. Remember Levi? Free Levi, I love Levi. Well, apparently Bristol and Levi broke up. Bristol said she wants her baby raised free of ignorance and backwoods superstition. But you can't stop Mom from visiting." -- Bill Maher

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson have broken up. That's right. That's right. And apparently it was not that big a surprise. Even the Russians saw it coming." -- David Letterman

"Another big bailout yesterday. Levi Johnson bailed out of his engagement to Sarah Palin's daughter. It's now officially confirmed that Bristol Palin has broken off her engagement to Levi Johnson, the father of her baby. Yeah. See, their relationship never evolved because they don't believe in evolution." -- Jay Leno

"In an interview with Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, 18-year-old Bristol Palin -- remember Bristol Palin, who had the baby? Well, she talked in the interview. She said, 'A year ago, I never would have thought I would become a mom or that my mom was going to be chosen to be a vice presidential candidate.' Oddly enough, both things happened because some guy failed to take the proper precautions." --Jay Leno

"This is true, according to a new report, I was reading this today in the paper, thousands of pregnant mothers in this country are planning to name their baby Barack. That's true. Yeah, after hearing this, Sarah Palin told Bristol, 'Don't even think about it.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hey, some sad news. Bristol Palin, you know, the daughter of Governor Sarah Palin, and her fiance, Levi Johnston, have broken up. Well, who could have seen that coming? Ironically, you know what happened? She could see him with another girl from her front porch." --Jay Leno

"Hey, congratulations to Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol, who had her baby. They named the baby Tripp, which is better than the name Sarah Palin suggested. She wanted to call the kid Joe the Baby." --Jay Leno

"You know who is really, really happy that John McCain did not win last night? The boyfriend of Sarah Palin's daughter. He doesn't have to get married now. 'Whew, thank God!'" --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin is going to drop the first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers' hockey game. Then Palin will spend the rest of the game trying to keep the hockey players out of her daughter's penalty box." --Conan O'Brien

"You know, they're watching this interview, this is the first time she's really sat down and talked. Political experts say that during the interview, she did a pretty good job convincing voters that she's qualified. Yeah, Palin says she has plenty of experience, and that her daughter has a little too much experience." --Conan O'Brien

"Did you see Governor Sarah Palin on the cover of Newsweek? Look, she's holding a shotgun. Holding a shotgun. This picture was taken right after she announced that guy would be marrying her pregnant daughter." --Jay Leno

"Experts say -- this is interesting -- that since Sarah Palin became the vice presidential nominee, there's been an actual spike in the sales of her style of eyeglasses. Gone way up. Yeah. Yeah, with Palin's glasses, you'll be able to see everything, except what the hell your teenage daughter's up to." --Conan O'Brien

"The Republican Convention is under way. The theme for tonight's Republican Convention is, 'Who is John McCain?' Tomorrow night's theme is, 'Who forgot to check if the Vice President's daughter is pregnant?'" --Conan O'Brien

"It's true, John McCain's running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Palin said, 'We should never have introduced her to John Edwards.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Governor Palin announced over the weekend that her 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five months pregnant. Oh, boy, you thought John Edwards was in trouble before, now he's really done it!" --Jay Leno

"It was an unplanned pregnancy, but the Palins say their daughter will marry the young man. He's a fellow high school student of hers. His name is Levi Johnston. They even found his MySpace page, which they pulled down immediately, but before they did we found out that he's a 'f***ing redneck,' is what he said, and another quote from him, 'I don't want kids.' Remember when the Republicans compared Barack Obama to Britney Spears? Now they've got their their own Jamie Lynn." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And we're learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter's name is Juno." --Jay Leno
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