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Top 10 Stupid Palin Quotes
"And new reports on Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' bus tour. They say she's been traveling on private planes to various stops and then just hops in the bus at the local town. So, let's see what you got. You have Sarah Palin, who's no longer governor, who's promoting a book she didn't actually write by going on a bus tour which is not really a bus. Her big complaint? Politicians who aren't real." –Jay Leno
"In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin." –Conan O'Brien
"People see Palin as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Her book is number one on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King actually has the number two book. Very scary new book called 'Sarah Palin Becomes President.'" –Jimmy Kimmel
"Sarah Palin goes after vegetarians, too. She asks, 'If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come he made them out of meat?' It's a really good question. Hey, wait a second. People are made out of meat, too! And so are cocker spaniels. I think the lesson is, don't go to Sarah Palin's house for Thanksgiving dinner." -Jimmy Kimmel
"I was watching 'Oprah' on the TV. She had Sarah Palin on the show. Sarah was promoting her book, where she talks about her plans for the future. I think she wants to be the next leader of the free world, which is ridiculous, because no one can replace Oprah." –Craig Ferguson
"Sarah Palin's got that book out, that 'Going Rogue.' And she says that she was upset with John McCain because at the end of the election night, the McCain people would not let her deliver a concession speech. And I thought, don't worry, Sarah, I'm sure you'll get another opportunity." –David Letterman
"The other day, Sarah Palin said she'd like to have coffee with Hillary Clinton. Now, Hillary is saying she looks forward to it. The two have agreed to meet at the Never Will Be President Cafe." –Conan O'Brien
"Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah and Oprah. On the one hand, a very powerful woman qualified to be President of the United States, and on the other hand, you have Sarah." –David Letterman
"But if you think about it, Sarah Palin and Oprah Winfrey have a lot in common. They both helped get Obama elected." –David Letterman
"Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and agonized over every word, and so will you." --David Letterman
“Finally, excerpts from Sarah Palin’s new book are starting to leak out to the internet. There’s some really shocking stuff in there, complete sentences, proper grammar, really shocking stuff.” -Jimmy Fallon
"According to excerpts from Sarah Palin's memoir, 'Going Rogue,' the former vice presidential nominee says her infamous Katie Couric interview went so poorly because Couric was badgering, had a partisan agenda, and asked questions." –-Seth Meyers
"Oh, and the pre-orders for Sarah Palin's new book on Amazon are huge. It's the No. 1 book on Amazon. I was looking for that section where it says, 'People who bought this book also bought 'Bridge to Nowhere.'" --Jay Leno
"Well, the publisher was impressed that Sarah Palin finished the book four months ahead of schedule. That's not a big deal. She finished her term as governor 18 months ahead of schedule." --Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin's new autobiography doesn't come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, 'People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.'" --Jimmy Fallon
"This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet. It's being translated in English." --Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin's 400-page memoir is going to be released on November 17th, and it's called 'Going Rogue: An American Life.' And critics say that it starts out okay, it get's really exciting and then confusing, and then the last 100 pages are blank." --Jimmy Fallon
"The book costs $24.99, but it has a $5,000 jacket." --Jimmy Fallon
"Sarah Palin announced that she's gonna travel across the country on a bus to promote her new book. She'll be hard to miss 'cause it'll be the only bus on the road with a dead moose strapped on the hood." –Conan O'Brien
"The cover of Sarah Palin's book has been released. And it features a picture of Palin gazing off into the distance deep in thought. The photographer said that capturing that one moment was the rewarding 11 hours of his career." --Conan O'Brien
David Letterman's Top Ten Sarah Palin Tips For Writing A Book
10. Close curtains so you don't get distracted by Russia.
9. Increase vocabulary -- use words like "slanket."
8. First buy yourself 100-grand worth of writing outfits.
7. Don't write a word until the check clears.
6. Limit yourself to one "you betcha" per chapter.
5. You can never have enough stories about ice fishing or killing things with your bare hands.
4. When in doubt, just type (wink).
3. Don't let writing cut into attending "Fire Letterman" rallies.
2. Have a book translated for sale to European countries like London.
1. I'll try to find ya some tips and I'll bring 'em to ya!
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