See Also: Funny Scott Brown Pictures and Cartoons
"You know anything about the new senator from the great state of Massachusetts? Senator Scott Brown. Comes out of nowhere, this guy. And he used to be, like, a go-go boy. That's where he got his start. And then he was a nude model, and now, he's a senator. Have you seen the guy? Terribly good-looking. He looks like one of those guys in an adult film who would describe his work as 'tasteful.' He looks like one of those guys at the health club that would snap you with his towel." –David Letterman
"During his acceptance speech, newly elected Senator Scott Brown told the crowd that his two daughters are both available. So many great American speeches: 'Four score and seven years ago,' 'Ask not what your country can do for you,' 'I have a dream,' and now 'My daughters are both available.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"There was a big Senate race in Massachusetts yesterday, and the winner, Scott Brown, made a victory speech where he mentioned that his two daughters were 'available.' At least this explains his campaign slogan: 'Scott Brown: Creepy for Massachusetts, Creepy for America.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Massachusetts elects a Republican who drives a truck with 200,000 miles on it. It's a Chevy truck. Which is more hard to believe, that Massachusetts elects a Republican, or Chevy builds a truck that lasts 200,000 miles?" –David Letterman
"A Republican was elected to the U.S. Senate in Massachusetts, filing the seat that was once held by Ted Kennedy. So this could tip the delicate balance of power in the U.S. Senate from the completely incompetent back to the morally corrupt." -Jay Leno
"Scott Brown posed naked for Cosmo when he was in law school. See back then, GOP stood for Grand Old Package." -Jay Leno
"You know that question, what can Brown do for you? Apparently he can stop the Democrat's health care plan." –Jay Leno
"When Scott Brown takes office, Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof Senate majority. And he's vowed to oppose the health care bill. That's a nice way to start your first day, huh? 'Hey, I'm the new guy. Hate what you're doing here.'" –Jimmy Fallon
The Kennedy legacy goes down to a naked guy who owns a truck. Did you hear his bio? For God's sakes, the guy sounds like a fictional character in some racy David E. Kelly show about politics. Tonight on an all new 'Mass Appeal': Senator McDangly exercises his pocket veto." –Jon Stewart, on Scott Brown
David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprising Facts about Scott Brown"
10. He's the nephew of godfather of soul James Brown.
9. Climate change is partly the result of his smoldering hunkiness.
8. His response to the health care reform crisis: "Don't blame Conan."
7. Got his start in politics by rounding up illegals to work in Mitt Romney's yard.
6. Once in state senate he cracked a walnut with his ass.
5. Purchased his first car at Harrison Ford.
4. Promised people of Massachusetts he'd bring back witch trials.
3. When his daughter was a finalist on "American Idol," he exchanged beauty tips with Ryan Seacrest.
2. His election helped GOP ratings skyrocket to 17 percent.
1. So cold in Boston today he actually put on pants.
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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