DC Madam Sex Scandal Jokes

"This ring of prostitutes apparently had a very elite group of clients. In fact, one girl was sent over to the Lincoln Memorial to give Abe a lap dance." --David Letterman

"It looks like a lot of politicians' careers will be ruined when this Washington madam releases the names on her client list. President Bush's Deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias has already resigned because he was a customer. He claims he just got a massage, but no sex. I think that was called 'The Married Guy Special.'" --Jay Leno

"The DC madam says that when she's releasing these names, she's not doing it for political reasons. She says she does not have a political bone in her body. At least not today." --Jay Leno

"You all know who Nancy Pelosi is, right? She's the second most powerful woman in the country, right behind the D.C. madam." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about the Washington, D.C., madam? She was running a call girl operation, and they think a lot of congressmen and senators and high ranking politicians were visiting the prostitutes. It's just crazy. One girl actually got paid with a new highway project." -- David Letterman

"The D.C. madam is going to list the names of famous Republicans who used her female escort service. That shows you the fundamental philosophical differences between the two parties. Bush Republicans believe in having the private sector provide sex for profit. Whereas, Clinton Democrats believe it should be a big give-away program." --Jay Leno

"Here's good news: the FBI has arrested the madam who was in charge of the ring of prostitutes. No word though on Osama." --David Letterman

"Randall Tobias, who is the deputy secretary of state, resigned after it was revealed he used this woman's services. Tobias, who was married, just claimed he just had a massage and did not have sex. Apparently, he can forget getting either one of those at home ever again." --Jay Leno

"Tobias was the guy who Bush put in charge of promoting abstinence and chastity in places like the Mideast. He was also the CEO of the company that makes Cialis. So, it sounds like he was caught between Iraq and a hard place." --Jay Leno

"The Deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias, a 65-year-old married guy who for years was President Bush's person in charge of promoting abstinence, has resigned after he admitted he hired women from a Washington, D.C., escort service. He said he only used the women for massages. Oh, shut up. The big question is not if we believe him or even if President Bush believes him, but does Mrs. Tobias believe him?" --Jay Leno

"These were $300-an-hour prostitutes, which is pretty amazing when you realize John Edwards was paying $400 and all he got was a haircut." --Jay Leno

"When the White House heard about this scandal, they were relieved. Finally, a Republican caught in a sex scandal with a woman." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about the big sex scandal in Washington, D.C.? The politicians apparently visiting prostitutes. Actually, one girl was paid with a new dam in her home state." --David Letterman