Larry Craig Jokes

"There's a group of Larry Craig supporters now who are encouraging people to boycott the Minneapolis airport. Which might be the stupidest boycott ever. ... 'I'm sorry Grandma, we're not going to be able to visit you this Christmas, we could not do that to Senator Craig, we're boycotting.' Not only am I joining this boycott of the Minneapolis airport, I'm going to say this: I am refusing to have sex in any public bathroom until Senator Craig's name is cleared. Wait a minute, I should say gay sex, I won't have gay sex. Alright, I'll have a little gay sex." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Anybody ever fly Frontier Airlines? Guy is flying Frontier Airlines, and in the middle of the flight, he gets out of his seat and takes off his pants and he runs up and down the aisle. You know, with his thing hanging out. Senator Craig, please get some help. I'm begging you, please." --David Letterman

"But did you hear about this? Senator Craig from Idaho plans to fight a disorderly conduct charge. He wants to change his plea to 'not creepy.' ... Earlier today Senator Craig said he'd like to turn over a new page. I believe his name is Kevin" --David Letterman

"First he pleaded guilty to soliciting in the men's room, then he said he wasn't guilty. Then he said he was resigning, and now he is going back on that. Even John Kerry's going, 'make up your mind.'" --Jay Leno

"Actually, no one has even seen Senator Craig for like a week now. Nobody even knows where he is. They think he may have gone on a fishing trip for a couple of days with an old cowboy buddy to some mountain in Wyoming." --Jay Leno

"The best Republican sex scandal continues to unfold today, as Senator Larry Craig plead guilty to a misdemeanor after he got caught in a police sting operation in the men's room of a Minneapolis airport. ... The terror alert level in our nation's airport bathrooms has been raised to lavender. Some members of the GOP are demanding the senator give up his seat, which when you think about it, that's how he got in trouble in the first place!" --Jimmy Kimmel

"The cop says he was giving off gay signals in the men's room. Like when he threw a table cloth over the baby changing station and lit candles and opened a bottle of merlot." --Bill Maher

"Now, of course, the Republicans have completely turned on Larry Craig, as Jesus would. ... John McCain has called for him to step down, Mitt Romney has called for him to step down, Mark Foley has just called him." --Bill Maher

"Senator Craig has now called a press conference for tomorrow, ... probably he's going to resign. He said that will be a private decision after consulting his wife, his children, and an anonymous dude he met at the Howard Johnsons on I-84." --Bill Maher

"Idaho Senator Larry Craig getting a lot of criticism from his fellow members of the GOP, which of course, as you know stands for Gay Old Party." --Jay Leno

"He is claiming entrapment. He said the sign on the door said men, so he went in to get some, and then the cops grabbed him." --Jay Leno

"There were signs that Senator Craig was into this kind of thing, like today his wife said during sex instead of yelling out her name he'd yell 'complete stranger in the stall next to me!'" --Jay Leno

"Sen. Larry Craig, who pled guilty to soliciting sex at an airport, is now being accused of having oral sex at a train station. When asked about it, Craig said, 'What can I say? I love public transportation.'" --Conan O'Brien

"We've got the latest on the big Washington sex scandal. I don't know if you've heard the latest, but Republican Senator Larry Craig was planning to resign today, according to several 'well placed sources' in Washington. And by well placed sources I mean bathroom attendants." --Conan O'Brien

"Several prominent Republicans are calling on Sen. Larry Craig to resign. And a couple are asking for his phone number." --David Letterman

"Gay groups are calling Craig a hypocrite because Craig is a staunch opponent of gay marriage. Craig denied he's a hypocrite, saying, 'Hey, I wasn't trying to marry the cop in the bathroom.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Sen. Larry Craig said today yes he is gay, but he never inhaled." --Jay Leno

"See, I don't think his family was surprised by these revelations. In fact, today his wife said she first became suspicious because every time he had to use the bathroom, he would fly to Minneapolis." --Jay Leno

"How about that poor Senator Craig from Idaho? ... So he gets arrested in a men's room there at the airport in Minneapolis. And here's the deal now. He's now in Stage One of a political sex scandal: defiance. Stage Two: stepping down to spend more time with his family. Stage Three: 'I'm gay and I'm proud!'" --David Letterman "Don't kid yourself, this Craig is in a tough spot. When you're up for re-election, you don't want to be known as 'The Restroom Don Juan.'" --David Letterman

"The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman

"Senator Larry Craig declared he won't quit and he's not gay. And then Craig said 'I'm sorry. I meant to say I won't quit being gay.'" --Conan O'Brien

"A lot of people are calling Senator Craig a hypocrite because he was a very vocal opponent of same-sex marriages. ... But to be fair, he has never come out publicly against anonymous gay bathroom sex." --Jay Leno

"Larry Craig has pled guilty to lewd guilty in a men's room. .The senator said I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises." --Conan O'Brien

"Now there's more trouble for Senator Craig. First he's accused of soliciting gay sex at an airport. Now he's accused of soliciting gay sex at a train station. Craig denied the charges and said if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a big night at the bus terminal." --Conan O'Brien

"Idaho Senator Larry Craig is now being called the hole from Idaho." --Jay Leno

"This whole thing has to be very frustrating for the Republican Party. All these gay sex scandals and they still can't get any support from Hollywood." --Jay Leno

"Because of the scandal he had to resign his position on the Mitt Romney campaign. ... So not much chance of getting his mitts on Romney now." --Jay Leno

Previous

• 1
• 2
• 3

Next