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State of the Union Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Bush's State of the Union Address

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"It was a long, dull speech. Halfway through, Ted Kennedy sent drinks over to the Bush twins." –-David Letterman

"Earlier tonight it was President Bush's State of the Union address and it is always exciting to be there. I don't care what you think, if you are Democrat or Republican it is always an exciting event. President Bush was interrupted forty times by applause and twice to look up a word in the dictionary." --David Letterman

"Numerous Republican congressmen pointed ink-dipped fingers in a no-way theatrical, photo-opy show of solidarity with ordinary (Iraqi) voters. The solidarity continued after the speech when Republicans spent the rest of the evening shitting in a bucket in a powerless hut." –-Jon Stewart

"Last night more people watched 'American Idol' then the State of the Union. So next year the speech will be given by Ryan Secrest. ... I guess people would rather watch someone who can't sing then someone who can't speak." --Craig Ferguson

"In his State of the Union Address, President Bush announced a new initiative to keep young people out of gangs, a new program called Do Right And Follow Through (D.R.A.F.T.)." –-Tina Fey

"Everybody was commenting that Stephen Breyer was the only Supreme Court justice at the State of the Union. But it turns out that is not true. It turns out Justice Scalia was there. He was in Dick Cheney's pocket." --Jay Leno

"Tonight in his speech, President Bush introduced his plan for Social Security. His plan: take the security part out of it." --Jay Leno

"It hasn't happened yet but I am going to make one prediction. Dick Cheney will, in the middle of President Bush's speech, kill and eat a puppy." --Jon Stewart

"According to the Boston Globe today, they said in his speech President Bush came off as a combination of Winston Churchill and Bill Clinton -- two different ways to use a cigar basically." –-Jay Leno

"A lot of people dipped their fingers in purple ink to show solidarity with the Iraqi voters. And did you see Dick Cheney? He had five fingers that were purple and then they realized that's just from bad circulation." --Jay Leno

"President Bush made his case with Social Security reform. He said if you have a Social Security check you might want to cash it first thing in the morning." --Jay Leno

"A big night. In the State of the Union address President Bush announced his visionary plan to bring peace to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston." --David Letterman

"I guess you know last night President Bush gave his State of the Union address. And in a related story, John Kerry rented 'Shrek Two.'" --Jay Leno

"The State of the Union address was tonight. A little fun fact: Historians say that most presidents have begun their State of the Union address by saying 'The state of the union is strong.' ... However President Bush started his speech a little differently. He said 'the State of the Union is strongtastic' and then he wandered away, but they got him back." --Conan O'Brien

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