From Daniel Kurtzman,
Your Guide to Political Humor.
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"Supreme Court chief justice nominee John Roberts said in his confirmation hearings that he has no agenda and no platform. You know what that means, he could be the next Democratic presidential candidate." --Jay Leno

"If there's one person who felt the pain of what's going on down there and commemorated the victims of Katrina more than anyone else, it's Judge John Roberts, because he observed an entire week of silence." --Bill Maher, on John Roberts' confirmation hearings

"The White House announced that the public would not be allowed see the memos produced by John Roberts when he represented the United States government as a lawyer. They say this is because of the attorney-client privilege. Here's the part I don't understand -- he represented the United States, we're the client, he's our lawyer, shouldn't we be allowed see our own notes?" --Jay Leno

"I guess we're all excited that President Bush announced his nomination to the Supreme Court -- John Roberts. Bush searched far and wide before he made the risky choice of a white guy in his fifties." --David Letterman

"President Bush said the job of the Supreme Court was extremely important because these are the people we choose to pick the next president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"You realize (John Roberts) is only 50 years old. He could serve on the court for the next 40 years. So he could still be there when we pull out of Iraq." --Jay Leno

"Even the Democrats are saying while John Roberts is extremely conservative, he is very bright, he is intellectually curious and has a great legal mind -- so it must have been a real thrill for him to be interviewed by President Bush." --Jay Leno

"President Bush had breakfast with his Supreme Court nominee John Roberts. Afterwards Bush said he's never seen such a qualified candidate and John Roberts said he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula." --Conan O'Brien

"Here's what we know about John Roberts -- he's a conservative and, as a small town judge, he once outlawed dirty dancing." --David Letterman

"Last night (President Bush) unveiled his pick with his mastery of the rhetorically obvious. [clip of Bush:'"When a president chooses a justice he's placing in human hands the authority and majesty of the law.'] So you're going with a human are you? Eeeeeeexcellent." --Jon Stewart

"After all the media's speculation about Edith this or Hispanic that, they picked a white guy. And not just any white guy, A REALLY white guy. John Roberts? That's the fake name that every underage kid busted with booze uses." --Daily Show correspondent Ed Helms

"John Roberts could be the newest member of the Supreme Court and I gotta tell you -- I haven't seen this much charisma since the Oreck vacuum guy. He's everywhere. Now he's doing a lot of interviews hoping to get nominated. Earlier today he was jumping up and down on Oprah's couch." --David Letterman

"The White House revealed today that there were eleven finalists for the Supreme Court nomination before President Bush chose this John Roberts guy. And here's the shocking part: you know who the runner up was? Bo Bice." --Jay Leno

"Last night President Bush picked Judge John Roberts to be his nominee to the Supreme Court. The name was actually leaked to the press a couple hours earlier. That Karl Rove is unbelievable." --Jay Leno

"President Bush announced his Supreme Court pick. Isn't that exciting? ... President Bush announced that he has nominated Judge John Roberts to the court. When asked why, Bush said he picked Roberts because he has one of the finest legal minds since Matlock." --Conan O'Brien