Christine O'Donnell Jokes

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• Craziest Christine O'Donnell Quotes
• Funny Christine O'Donnell Pictures

"Although many of her Republican colleagues were elected to the House, Christine O'Donnell ended up underneath it, with her feet curled up." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Christine O'Donnell lost her election by 20 percent. In a brief concession speech, she said 'I'm melting.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Christine O'Donnell, after losing her election in Delaware, said 'Our voices were heard.' In your head, lady." –David Letterman

"Pundits say Christine O'Donnell's political career may be over, but she still has six months as a punchline." –David Letterman

"Christine O'Donnell released a commercial in which she says, 'I'm not a witch.' That's pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, 'I'm not Christine O'Donnell.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Today we found out that a third college Christine O'Donnell said she attended has no record of ever knowing her. I'm starting to wonder if she ever really went to Hogwarts." —Bill Maher

"Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell is taking criticism because she once said she dabbled in witchcraft. Yeah, everyone is talking about this. O'Donnell was like, 'If one more person claims I'm a witch, I will take legal action against them and their little dog, too!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Christine O'Donnell is behind, but I don't think it's the witch stuff. I think it's because of her anti-masturbation stance. She's very serious about that, and you know people in Delaware are going, 'Come on, I live in Delaware, what else am I suppose to do?'" –Bill Maher

"Republican Senator Tom Coburn said yesterday that Christine O'Donnell, if elected, will be able to combat the stupidity in Washington. So I guess they're going to fight fire with fire." —Jay Leno

"You know this Tea Party candidate, Christine O'Donnell is causing a lot of controversy with her kind of unorthodox views. She's come out against masturbation. You know what that means? She's out of touch with those voters who are in touch with themselves." –Jay Leno

"More problems for candidate O'Donnell. It seems she canceled all her Sunday talk show appearances after a video surfaced her on Bill Maher's TV show where she admitted she once dabbled in witchcraft. So, apparently, she is pro-dabbling, but anti-diddling." –Jay Leno

"Christine O'Donnell says that she once had a date on a satanic altar? Well, who hasn't?" –David Letterman

"Christine O'Donnell looks a lot like Sarah Palin, and you know what that means, more work for Tina Fey." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin tweeted a warning to Christine O'Donnell that the national media is seeking her destruction. That is ridiculous. If the media wanted to destroy her, they would just douse her with water." –Craig Ferguson

"Nation, I've have been a diehard supporter of Delaware Republican Senate Christine O'Donnell ever since I learned of her existence last week. She is a dynamic, conservative Christian who believes masturbation is adultery. And fellas she's single and will condemn you for masturbating. The total package." –Stephen Colbert

"In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O'Donnell. Nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O'Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson

“I'm not a political person. I keep to myself. I'm not one to get involved in these things. I'm not proud to say I'll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I'll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I'll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences. But I'll tell you something. When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's." –Jimmy Kimmel

"So listen up, Christine O'Donnell -- and Rosie O'Donnell too while we're at it -- we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you'll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." –Jimmy Kimmel

"She hates masturbation, which is ironic, because she owes her nomination to a bunch of jackoffs." –Bill Maher

"She said that during the primary, 'I heard the audible voice of God, and he said one word: 'credibility.' Which is interesting, because she has no job, there's a lien placed on her home, and she's using campaign funds for her living expenses. Her platform is about bringing fiscal responsibility to Washington, but God said 'credibility.' I think what God should have said was, 'Shut up and get a vibrator.'" –Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell won a huge upset, but she's got some problems. Even though she is a Republican, Karl Rove has accused her of lying. Let me tell you something, when the guy who told 300 million Americans there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq says you're lying, he knows what he's talking about." –Jay Leno

"A lot of people love this woman. In the last 24 hours she's raised more than $1 million. Which I think is ironic, because she's against masturbation, but she's taking money hand over fist." –Craig Ferguson

"She is against masturbation. Frankly, I don't think it's any of her business what I do in the privacy of that voting booth. This is America, once you close that little curtain, you should be able to pull any lever you want." –Jay Leno

Jon Stewart (after showing a clip of O'Donnell saying, "You're gonna be pleasing each other and if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?"): "You're in the picture, my dear, because as Oscar Wilde once said, 'I can't reach it with my mouth.'"

"Her detractors say she's homeless, jobless, and can't pay her taxes. And her supporters say, 'Finally, someone who represents the average American." –Bill Maher

"I don't know a lot about Christine O'Donnell, but she has some interesting views. She has come out against masturbation. And you thought the war on drugs was unwinnable." –Jay Leno

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~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman