Break out the whiskey and shot glasses – it's time for President Obama's 2012 State of the Union Address.
As you know, the Constitution requires that from time to time, the president shall give to the Congress information on the State of the Union, which is best digested by the citizenry while completely hammered.
Thankfully, there are several State of the Union drinking games floating around to help you accomplish this. We took the liberty of compiling the best parts of all of them into a single Definitive State of the Union Drinking Game designed to both amuse and intoxicate you as quickly as possible.
From the State of the Union 2012 Drinking Game, presented by HuffPost Comedy:
• Obama mentions the 8.5% unemployment rate – Drink 8.5% of a bottle of Jack Daniels (no more, you're probably unemployed and Jack ain't cheap)
• Camera pans to Michelle Obama — Drink, but then eat something organic
• Boehner scowls, shakes head and/or cries — Do a shot of orange liqueur
• Obama addresses Afghanistan — Drink for 10 years and 109 days
• Obama mentions "Wall Street" or the 1% — Pour yourself a glass of 50-year old single malt scotch, throw the glass out, then pour another glass. You have plenty
From the Official State of the Union Anti-Sobriety Plan, presented by Wonkette:
• Obama uses the words "fair" or "fairness" at any point: pass the bottle around the room so each person gets a swig. Don't wipe your spit off after each swig, we are SHARING, that is how sharing works.
• Obama says "middle class" two times in the same sentence: check the fridge for a Budweiser to toast the middle class and realize you don't have any because you have TASTE, but then realize you have a six-pack of PBR sitting there so no, you don't. Drink one of those!
• Obama talks again this year about giving everyone 350,000 "green jobs" like he means it, which he doesn't: a shot of absinthe.
From drinkingame.us:
• Every time Obama says "debt" — borrow a shot from a friend, promise you'll really pay it back this time
• Every time Obama says "deficit" — finish your drink; borrow the drink of the person next to you and drink it too
• Every time Obama says "hopeful audacity of yes we can change" - sip of unicorn wine
• Occupy Wall Street — 1 shot of something cheap, but then get up and move to a different seat
• The One Percent — 1 haughty shot of something expensive (if you can't afford something expensive, see "Occupy Wall Street")
• Steve Jobs — iShot
• Osama bin Laden - fist pump, then 1 drink
From stateoftheuniondrinkinggame.com:
• Drink when POTUS says anything that sounds like "boner"
x2 if it works as a double entendre
• Drink if POTUS reminds us that he inherited this economy
x2 if he also reminds us that he inherited two wars
• Drink if POTUS wants to appoint a new Czar of Something
• Drink if POTUS wishes "to be clear"
2x if he wishes "to be perfectly clear"
• Drink if POTUS proposes a new initiative
x2 if it is an initiative that has already been initiated
• Drink when the Democratic side of Congress gives POTUS a standing ovation
x2 if both sides of Congress do
finish your drink if only the Republicans do
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