Vice President Joe Biden stepped in to perform the president's comedic duties at the annual Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner.

With President Obama busy hosting a St. Patrick's Day party at the White House, Biden cracked jokes about everyone from Sarah Palin to FOX News, and even threw in a dig at Tiger Woods. (Watch the video)

Following are highlights from Biden's stand-up comedy routine:

On FOX News: "You all know St. Patrick is credited with banishing snakes from Ireland. But you guys know the truth, sometimes. There were never any snakes in Ireland. St. Patrick just made that up. Which explains why he's the patron saint of FOX News."

On Obama hosting a Saint Patrick's Day dinner: "You know, the truth is I can't believe I'm here with you guys tonight. Here I am, the first Irish-Catholic Vice President in the history of the United States of America. Barack Obama is the first African-American President in the history of the United States of America. He's hosting the Saint Patrick's Day Dinner and I'm here with you all. Go figure. He's with my base. I'm with his (the press)."

On GOP complaints that the health care bill is 2,022 pages long: "Put yourself in their spot. Just ask Sarah. That's a hell of a lot to write on the palm of your hand."

On the recovery act: "Republicans keep saying it hasn't created a single job. Well, tell that to Senator Scott Brown."

On Liz Cheney: "I understand Liz Cheney is in the house... Liz has been on a tear lately. Now, she's questioning if Tom Brady is a real Patriot."

On the broadcast media: "I admire the skills required to be an anchor, a commentator, a talking head. I think you've got a pretty tough job. But occasionally I'm surprised by your lack of self awareness -- for example, when Dick Morris is quick to point out every time I put my foot in my mouth. Well, Dick, at least it's MY foot." (Morris was once embroiled in a toe-sucking sex scandal with a prostitute.)

On his diplomatic dispute with Israel over the construction of new housing in East Jerusalem: "I just got back from five days in the Middle East. I love to travel, but it's great to be back in a place where a boom in housing construction is actually a good thing."

On his dog Champ: "You can see he's a Democratic dog. He's biting the hand that feeds him."

On Tiger Woods: "The job does have some perks, like when Tiger Woods came to see me and gave me some tips. Hey guys, they were golf tips."

Biden wrapped up his routine by narrating a humorous slide show featuring photos from his first year in office. The infamous photo of Biden at the state dinner with party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi popped up, drawing laughs from the crowd. "I have no idea how that got in there," Biden quipped. (Watch the video)

Washington's silly season is just getting started. Next up: Bill Clinton is set to headline the Gridiron Dinner Saturday night, and Obama will resume his duties as comedian-in-chief at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on May 1.

See Also:
Top 10 Joe Biden Gaffes
Sarah Palin Does Stand-Up Comedy on The Tonight Show
Obama Draws Big Laughs at Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner

Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter

"Former Democratic congressman Eric Massa resigned on Monday amid allegations that he groped male staff workers. Massa claims he was tickling them and then claimed he was being forced out over his healthcare vote. If you're wondering why we don't have healthcare, it's because there's too much tickling in Congress." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago." -Craig Ferguson

"According to the New York Post, Tiger Woods has hired former President Bush's press secretary Ari Fleischer to help with his public relations campaign. Is George Bush's guy really the one you want in charge of your approval rating? If it was up to me, I'd hire Clinton's guy." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Actually, you can see why he hired him. Tiger Woods and Bush have similar problems. Neither one knew when to pull out." -Jay Leno

"Record ratings for the Oscars. Kathryn Bigelow won best director for her film about the Iraq war. But in her speech, she forgot to thank the two people without whom this film could never have been made -- Bush and Cheney." -Jay Leno

Read more...

Ex-Congressman Eric Massa's tales of tickle fests with staffers and naked shower fights with Rahm Emanuel have turned him into the butt of late-night jokes this week. Here's a roundup of the latest quips:

"Former Democratic congressman Eric Massa resigned on Monday amid allegations that he groped male staff workers. Massa claims he was tickling them and then claimed he was being forced out over his healthcare vote. If you're wondering why we don't have healthcare, it's because there's too much tickling in Congress." -Jimmy Kimmel

"One of Eric Massa's former shipmates says he used to give his subordinates massages and called them, 'Massa massages.' Which is why the Navy's policy toward Massa was 'Don't ask . . . because it's pretty obvious isn't it?'" -Jimmy Fallon

"Massa was on Glenn Beck and he showed a book of graphic photos of things sailors did for fun when at sea. The book was so graphic, they couldn't show them on the air. Now if you're trying to convince people you're not gay, you probably shouldn't show your big book of naked sailors." -Jay Leno

"First he went on Glenn Beck and he told about his 50th birthday party with all men, and they got into a big tickle fight. You know, like guys do. Don't you hate that, when you're in a big, giggling pile of dudes and people try o make it into something gay. " -Bill Maher

"Then he went on Larry King, and Larry said, 'Are you gay?' And he said, 'I won't answer that question. Let the men I served with in the navy answer that question.' ... They used to call him a navy seal. Not because he was in special forces. Because he was always balancing balls on his nose." -Bill Maher

"He admits to groping, fondling, and tickling. And I'm thinking, well, why isn't this guy governor of New York?" -David Letterman

"New York congressman Eric Massa has resigned his post this week after allegations that he groped his male staff. If it's not Charlie Rangel trying to get into your wallet, it's Eric Massa trying to get in your pants." -Jay Leno

"Former New York congressman Eric Massa admitted to tickling a staffer until he couldn't breathe. Dick Dick Cheney said, 'We should have tried that at Gitmo.'" -David Letterman

Read more...