Laura Bush, Desperate Housewife

First Lady Laura Bush stole the show at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner with a surprise comedy routine in which she ripped President Bush and admitted to being a "desperate housewife."

Grabbing the microphone from her husband, the first lady brought the crowd of political heavyweights and Hollywood celebrities to its feet as she let loose a series of one-liners that included digs at her mother-in-law, tales of going to a male strip club, and a colorful allusion to the time George, um, gave a hand-job to a horse.

By all accounts, it was a vastly superior performance to President Bush's own attempts at comedy from years past, including last year's disastrous WMD gag and an odd routine from the previous year that included a picture of Dick Cheney urinating on a door.

Read highlights as well as the complete transcript of Laura Bush's stand-up act, watch the video, plus check out the Washington Post's amusing account of the annual media gala.

See also: The Daily Show on Laura Bush's Horse Joke

• Related: Bush: Comedian in Chief | Funny Quotes | Funny News

The following are highlights from First Lady Laura Bush's remarks at the 2005 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner:

"I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife. I mean if those women on that show think they're desperate, they ought to be with George."

"One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales. I wouldn't even mention it except Ruth Ginsberg and Sandra Day O'Connor saw us there. I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service codename is now Dollar Bill."

"George always says that he's delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He's usually in bed by now. I'm not kidding. I said to him the other day, George, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later."

"George and I are complete opposites — I'm quiet, he's talkative, I'm introverted, he's extroverted, I can pronounce 'nuclear.'"

"The amazing thing is that George and I were just meant to be. I was a librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library, yet somehow I met George."

"People often wonder what my mother-in-law is really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She's actually more like Don Corleone."

"I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse."

"George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw. Which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well."

Related Links:
• Laura Bush Cartoons (Pro Cartoonists Index)
• The George & Laura Show (The Daily Show)
• Conservative Christians Not Laughing at First Lady's Comedy Act (Swift Report)
• Overconfident Laura Bush Bombs With Tasteless 'Yo Mama' Jokes (Borowitz Report)
• Transcript of Laura Bush's Pee-Your-Pants Funny White House Correspondents Dinner Speech (White House.org)