And Now, Your Moment Of Zen

With Jon Stewart set to host the Oscars, we offer a collection of classic quotes, video clips, and other hilarity from America's foremost political comedian:

Classic Jon Stewart Quotes
"Moms and dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: don't let your kids go hunting with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted — he'll shoot them in the face." —Jon Stewart

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Classic Daily Show Videos
Bush vs. Bush: Stewart moderates a debate between President Bush and Texas Gov. George W. Bush
Cheney's Got A Gun: Stewart on the veep's hunting mishap
Meet the F**kers: Stewart on the botched response to Hurricane Katrina.
War of the Words: Stewart looks at the power of language
Talking Points 101: Stewart explains how to construct the perfect talking point

More Daily Show clips…

Jon Stewart's Crossfire Smackdown
Watch the video or read the transcript of Jon Stewart's infamous appearance on "Crossfire," in which accused hosts Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala of "partisan hackery" and implored them to "stop hurting America." Stewart's drive-by browbeating ultimately precipitated the cancellation of the show.

Jon Stewart For President
No joke.

• Related: Jon Stewart | Late-Night TV Comedy | Hollywood & Politics

"Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner — this is true — of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people." —Jon Stewart

"This past weekend, the Democratic National Committee made it official — electing former governor and one-time shoe-in Howard Dean as their new party chairman. As a doctor they're hoping he can reattach the ass handed to the Democrats in the past election. ... You know, there's something stirring about the peaceful transfer of no power." —Jon Stewart

"Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way, for a fun second term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase 'contentious but futile protest vote by democrats.' By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria." —Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart: "Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for — the official halfway point of the Bush presidency."
President Bush: "I George Walker Bush do solemnly swear..."
Stewart: "At which point 49 percent of the country also solemnly swore

"You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a d*ck on your show as you are on any show." —Jon Stewart, bitchslapping Tucker Carlson during an interview on CNN's "Crossfire

"The prisoner scandal is yet another election year problem for President Bush. And, with the economy still struggling, combat operations in Iraq dragging on, and the 9-11 hearings revealing damning information, even an opponent of limited political skill should be able to capitalize on those problems. The Democrats, however, chose to nominate John Kerry." —Jon Stewart

"Insiders have begun voicing serious concerns about how he's conducting his campaign. One aide told the New York Times that while Bush's message of 'steady leadership' has remained consistent, Kerry has gone through six different messages in the 18 months he's been running, including, at one particularly desperate juncture, 'Kerry: Health care jobs for the troops' environment.'" —Jon Stewart

"Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go." —Jon Stewart

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had a press conference at the Pentagon. If you listen to him speak, it really makes you wonder what the f**k he's thinking. [Shows clip of Rumsfeld threatening to hold Syria and Iran accountable for hostile acts against the U.S.] Do you see what he just did there? We're in the middle of a war, and he's starting another war. We're already fighting Iraq and he's like, 'Syria, you want a piece?' ...There is nothing like a cantankerous old man who takes a hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn approach to foreign policy. The guy's literally just like drunk swinging a broken bottle at people. 'Hey Netherlands, you looking at me?'" —Jon Stewart

"In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole." —Jon Stewart "President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent." —Jon Stewart

"I was not elected to serve one party." —George W. Bush (video overlay)
"You were not elected." —Jon Stewart
"I have something else to ask you, to ask every American. I ask you to pray for this great nation." —Bush
"We're way ahead of you." --Stewart

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