"The Oscars is really I guess the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party. And it's exciting for the stars as well because it's the first time many of you have ever voted for a winner."
"I do have some sad news to report. Bjork could not be here. She was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her."
"Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night, and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces."
"A lot of people say that this town is too liberal, out of touch with mainstream America, an atheistic pleasure dome, a modern-day, beachfront Sodom and Gomorrah, a moral black hole where innocence is obliterated in an endless orgy of sexual gratification and greed. I don't really have a joke here. I just thought you should know a lot of people are saying that."
"Do you think that if we all got together and pulled this down, democracy would flourish in Hollywood?" --on the giant Oscar statue in the Kodak Theatre, likening it to the statue of Saddam Hussein pulled down after the fall of Baghdad in 2003
Read more highlights and other memorable quotes from Jon Stewart's Oscar performance.
The Reviews Are In
Stewart Gets Mixed Reviews (TV Squad)
Stewart Gave a Weak Show Some Punch (USA Today)
Memo to Jon Stewart: Keep Your 'Daily' Job (Washington Post)
Oscar Video Clips
Jon Stewart Critiques His Own Oscar Performance
Jon Stewart's Oscar Intro
Bill Maher: If The Oscars Were Managed By Dubai
Jon Stewart's 2008 Oscar Jokes
• Related: Jon Stewart Quotes | Daily Show Clips | Late-Night Jokes