Eliot Spitzer Joke Roundup
Wednesday March 12, 2008
"It's getting serious, though. Republicans in New York have given Governor Spitzer an ultimatum. That if he doesn't resign, they'll push for impeachment. Governor Spitzer responded by saying, 'How about you just spank me, we'll call it even?'" --Conan O'Brien"Well, you know something, this shows you how the whole world is backwards. I mean, you got Democrats. Now, they're supposed to be poor, right? Don't Democrats traditionally represent the poor people? They're paying $5,000 an hour for sex. You got the Republicans. They're supposed to be rich, right? They're cruising airport bathrooms trying to get it for free. What's going on?" --Jay Leno
"You know, I'm a half-full kind of guy. I always try to put a positive spin on stuff. Sure, it's a horrible story. On the other hand, you look at it this way, he was supporting New York's number one industry." --David Letterman
"Spitzer held a brief press conference yesterday, where he apologized to his constituents and to his family. He didn't take any questions but retreated to the privacy of his home, where his wife repeatedly kicked him in the testicles." --Jimmy Kimmel"Actually, she stood right next to him in the press conference. That is always amazing to me, how these guys get their wives to stand there and support them. ... I don't know what kind of zombie chow they put in these women's food, but it's mind-boggling. ... I don't want to rub it in to any of you visiting from New York, but here in California, our governor doesn't have to pay for sex. When he wants it, he takes it." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Gov. Spitzer responded just a few hours ago. He said, quote, 'I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of what is right and wrong.' Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber." --Conan O'Brien
"Here's what happened, it was one of those sting deals. And they caught Eliot Spitzer, Gov. Spitzer, with a wire, recording him soliciting a prostitute. And I'm thinking, 'Holy cow, we can't get Bin Laden, but we got Spitzer. We got Sptizer.'" --David Letterman
Read more Eliot Spitzer jokes...
Watch late-night joke highlight reel...
David Letterman's Top Ten Messages Left on Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine:
8. Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I'm not the only politician who has to pay for it
7. I'm calling from the 'New York Post.' Would you rather be known as 'Disgraced Gov Perv' or 'Humiliated Whore Fiend'?
6. This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln's wife
4. This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?
1. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I'm no longer America's creepiest governor
See also:
Eliot Spitzer Cartoons (About.com)
Funny Spitzer Pictures (About.com)
Gubernatorial Malfeasance (Daily Show)
Lewis Black on Spitzer (Daily Show)
Sam Bee on the Shame Parade (Daily Show)
Spitzer Greeting Cards (Colbert Report)
Eliot Spitzer Thought Process Flowchart (23/6)
Eliot Spitzer Playlist (BrightestYoungThings)
Top Ten Eliot Spitzer Excuses (David Letterman)
Spitzer's Troubles Ready-Made for Jokes (AP)
Photos of Eliot Spitzer's Hooker (The Smoking Gun)
Meet Spitzer's 'Kristen' (AKA Ashley Alexandra Dupre) (Huffington Post)
Larry Craig Demands Equal Treatment Under 'The Mann Act' (Satirical Political Report)
Related:
Late-Night Political Jokes
Political Cartoons of the Week
Larry Craig Jokes
Comments
There’s no way this guy can be trusted to lead the state of NY when he’s leaving the state to spend $4700(not including dinner and a bottle of 2009 chilled ripple) on a single meeting with a “escort(whore)” in DC. That money should have stayed in state and bought several whores thereby helping the local economy. In addition it was revealed he spent $80k over the past year in such “services”. His dumbass should have atleast been on some kind of Frequent Fncker Program where after 5 Two Finger Mexican Oil Changes the 6th ones free(or after 3 Kansas City Mudslide the 4th ones free for you deviants that are into wierd sh!t)
The really fncked up thing during about his (Okay you got me)Press Confrence is his wife standing there next to him and CNN is running the ticker at the bottom of the screen describing Client 9’s(should have picked better cover name like Gov Nor Biatch)escort(Ho) as petite 5′5″ burnett…..Oh sh!t all this silly MoFo wanted is to Fnck his wife 20 years ago. Dayam why in the hell would you go out for chicken when you have chicken at home?????I mean I can understand the Hugh Grant Effect where he just got tired of fncking Liz Hurley and need a little Devine Brown just to mix it up. I would of been Okay if Eliot’s Ho was a 6′2″ 287 pound Korean chick missing 1 tit, with an eye patch, braided pubic hair, and speaks only German, but to hire a ho that looks like his wife ….that’s just sick! Then I realized that he’s sneakin around because he couldn’t get what he needed at home!!!This sh!t is all his wife’s fault.That’s right Silda should of gave him what he needed…bet she regrets not slipping that crisco coated big toe in his bung hole like he asked…Maybe this sad tale will serve as a lesson to other spouses the world over…