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Daniel Kurtzman

Mark Sanford Jokes

By June 25, 2009

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Mark Sanford: Don't Cry For Me Argentina Comedians everywhere are having a field day with South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's confession to having an Argentinian mistress. A few of the best late-night jokes so far:

"Just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis." --Jon Stewart (Watch video clip)

"Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared...and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans won't do." --David Letterman

"Needless to say, this not great news for the Republican party. So many prominent Republicans have been caught in these situations lately: Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign from Nevada. And do you want to know why this is happening? The gays. They've destroyed the institution of marriage and now this is what we get" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. He's like, 'Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters'...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with stupid.'" –Craig Ferguson on Mark Sanford's wife not appearing at his press conference

Read more Mark Sanford jokes, plus watch Craig Ferguson's hilarious comedic riff on Sanford.

Mark Sanford's Love Emails

Sanford's love emails to his mistress, which read like a cheesy romance novel, are also eliciting snickers. Keith Olbermann's dramatic reading, accompanied by mood music, is not to be missed. A sampling from the emails:
"Two, mutual feelings . . . You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details…
Read the rest of the emails...

More Quips About the Sanford Affair

Mark Sanford Stimulus "If one thing is clear, this is definitely Mark Sanford's first affair, because no experienced lothario would have played it this badly. There are junior high kids trying to get to third base that have more of a plan than this guy." --Comedian Christian Finnegan on "Countdown With Keith Olbermann"

"Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn't have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin." --Sen. John Kerry

"This is almost like, 'I don't give a damn, the country's going to Hell in a handbasket, I just want out of here,'" said Limbaugh. "He had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn't want any part of it. He lost the battle. He said, 'What the Hell. I mean, I'm -- the federal government's taking over -- what the Hell, I want to enjoy life.'" --Rush Limbaugh, arguing that Sanford flew out of the country to have an affair because President Obama pushed him over the edge

More Mark Sanford Humor:

Mark Sanford Cartoons (About.com)
Top Ten Surprising Facts About Mark Sanford (Letterman)
Top Ten Gov. Mark Sanford Excuses (Letterman)
Sanford at the Bat (Kind of a Lark)
Reenactment of Sanford Affair (Andy Cobb)
Mark Sanford Karaoke (Jimmy Fallon)
Jon Stewart on the Sanford Affair (Daily Show)
Colbert Declares Himself Governor of South Carolina (Colbert Report)
Sanford Transfers Extramarital Affair to Lieutenant Governor (Borowitz)
Is Mark Sanford America’s First Emo Republican Adulterer? (David Rees)
FOX News Labels Sanford a Democrat (Media Matters)
Twitters Best Comments During Sanford's Press Conference (CSM)

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(Photo by Davis Turner/Getty Images)


June 26, 2009 at 8:49 am
(1) Jim says:

GOP Stimulus Package…. ” Giving Out Penises “

June 26, 2009 at 7:52 pm
(2) richard says:

Sanford missed the new GOP instructional video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBKuRK1wD1A

June 27, 2009 at 1:36 pm
(3) Fat Douggy says:

He could have humped her at Ft. Sumter and saved the taxpayers some money!

June 30, 2009 at 1:08 am
(4) Brian says:

Not so much a joke as satire, but from the humorists in Sanford’s back yard: SC Newspapers unite in urging Sanford not to resign

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