The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"Sarah Palin's also getting criticized because last week she demanded that Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, step down because he used the word retarded. But then, Rush Limbaugh did the same thing on his radio show, and that, she said, was O.K. Unfortunately, she's been unable to respond to the criticism because she's wearing mittens." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Maybe Sarah Palin would be smarter if she had bigger hands." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. They defeated my Indianapolis Colts. So all I can say is, 'Don't worry, Indianapolis, FEMA is on the way.'" -David Letterman

"Big blizzard in Washington D.C. this week - they had over two feet of snow. D.C. completely ground to a halt. No activity, no signs of life...But really, how could you tell the difference?" -David Letterman

"They got a lot of snow in Washington, D.C. And the city came to the biggest standstill they've had since the Democrats got the supermajority." -David Letterman

"The entire East Coast is covered with snow banks and snow drifts...Or as Toyota drivers call them - 'cushions.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"It was so cold in Washington that the new senator from Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was actually wearing pants." -David Letterman

"You know who I am talking about? The new senator from the state of Massachusetts. Before he got into politics, he had two jobs. He was a go-go boy. And he was also a nude model. And they swore him in last week. It was a moving ceremony. He put his hand on a copy of 'Cosmo.'" -David Letterman

"Senator Scott Brown. Comes out of nowhere, this guy. And he used to be, like, a go-go boy. That's where he got his start. And then he was a nude model, and now, he's a senator. Have you seen the guy? Terribly good-looking. He looks like one of those guys in an adult film who would describe his work as 'tasteful.' He looks like one of those guys at the health club that would snap you with his towel." -David Letterman

"But this President Obama, he had an idea about how to handle it. He's going to let the Democrats handle the snow. They'll put it on the back burner and hope it melts." -David Letterman

"Most congressmen are actually taking this opportunity with all the snow to spend some quality time with their mistresses." -Jimmy Kimmel

"On Saturday, Sarah Palin looked at notes written on her hand during a speech at the Tea Party Convention in Tennessee. Isn't that wild? Oddly enough, she was reading, 'Hi, I'm Sarah Palin.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"We learned last weekend that Sarah Palin writes notes on her hand when she's giving speeches. You can see the notes right there on her hand. The first one is, 'Hitch up the dogsled,' 'buy Chapstick,' 'clean rifle.'" -David Letterman

"Well, congratulations to the world champion New Orleans Saints for winning the Super Bowl. That's the best thing to happen to New Orleans since George Bush left office." -Jay Leno

"Did everybody watch the Super Bowl? Everybody's happy for New Orleans. In fact, FEMA announced plans to congratulate them in about two weeks." -Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama just held his first monthly bipartisan meeting and said that working together on jobs would be a good place to start. You know where else would have been a good place to start? A year ago." -Jimmy Fallon

"And just two weeks before he is scheduled to go to Nevada to campaign for Harry Reid, President Obama said Las Vegas is a place of excess that people should not visit during hard times. I guess the president feels if you want to see people cavorting with prostitutes and wasting your money, go to Washington." -Jay Leno

Read last week's jokes, check out our daily late-night joke roundup, or browse the best jokes from recent months.

See Also: The Week's Best Political Cartoons

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