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Daniel Kurtzman

The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

By December 10, 2010

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Late-Night Political Jokes

"It looks like the Bush-era tax cuts for the rich will continue, due to a strong Republican leader, Barack Obama. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Yes, we caved.' It's so bad for him, now Democrats want to see his birth certificate." —Jay Leno

"President Obama has agreed to extend the Bush-era tax cuts. Because if there's anything we need, it's an extension of the Bush era." —David Letterman

"Great. Let's extend the policies of the guy who gave us the greatest recession in the history of the planet." —David Letterman

"President Obama has reached a deal with Republicans to extend the Bush tax cuts, in exchange for extending jobless benefits. Republicans in Congress say they're thrilled with the tax cuts, while Democrats leaving Congress say they're thrilled with the jobless benefits." —Jimmy Fallon

"So it's Bush tax cuts for two more years, and then it'll be up to President Palin." —David Letterman

"Part-time Governor Sarah Palin shot and killed a reindeer on last week's TV show. And that was her Christmas special. Took her three shots. Well, she's rusty. Last thing she brought down was John McCain." —David Letterman

"Sarah Palin shot a reindeer on the last episode of her show. You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas." —Jimmy Kimmel

"Between the made-up words and wildly shooting at anything with four legs, Sarah Palin is turning into Elmer Fudd." —Jimmy Kimmel

"On Sarah Palin's next show she gets together with Kate Gosselin and her kids. This may be the biggest meeting of media whores since Michael and Dina Lohan got together to conceive Lindsay." —Jimmy Kimmel

"WikiLeaks supporters have hacked into Sarah Palin's credit card information after she criticized Julian Assange. Sarah said she's very upset, and hopes all suspicious charges to her account can be refundiated." —Jimmy Fallon

"According to WikiLeaks, the airing of American TV shows in the Middle East is helping to stop Islamic extremism. That's right. The terrorists watch our reality shows and realize they've already won." —Conan O'Brien

"The WikiLeaks founder is being sought by Swedish authorities on charges of sexual assault. He says, if he's arrested, he'll release a poison pill of encoded documents, including ones about UFOs. Arrest him. I want to hear about the UFOs." —Jimmy Kimmel

"WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was in court today, and when the judge asked for his address he said he didn't want to give out that information. Well, everyone has a right to privacy." —Jay Leno

"Julian Assange was arrested by British authorities. Our secrets are safe &mdash as long as no one else figures out how to use the Internet." —Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama's pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks." —Jay Leno

"'A Charlie Brown Christmas' was just on. According to a recent poll, most Americans think Charlie Brown is a Muslim." —David Letterman

"Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They're going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program." —Jay Leno

"Nigerian authorities are charging former Vice President Dick Cheney on a bribery scandal that involves Haliburton. That's when you know you're bad, when guys in Nigeria are accusing YOU of running a scam. Cheney has offered to be hooked up to a polygraph, as soon as he's unhooked from the defibrillator." —Jay Leno

"Nigeria has issued an arrest warrant for Dick Cheney. Good luck serving that this time of year. Cheney's up in Whoville, stealing Christmas." —Jay Leno

‎"The season wouldn't feel the same without people going out of their way to be offended by nothing." —Jon Stewart on the "War on Christmas"

‎"Legislation was enacted in 1993 designed to allow gay people to serve in the military as long as they told their colleagues that the ripped, topless and be-jean shorted fireman that they had in their foot locker was cousin Rico." —Jon Stewart on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

"The Republicans might be willing to allow homosexual men and women to die for their country, once anyone earning over $500,000 a year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and be addressed as 'Guvner' in an English accent." —Daily Show correspondent John Oliver on Don't Ask Don't Tell

More Late-Night Jokes:
Best Jokes of 2010
Latest Late-Night Jokes
Last Week's Jokes

More Weekly Humor:
The Week's Best Political Cartoons

Jokes by Jay Leno and David Letterman See Also:
Sarah Palin Jokes
Barack Obama Jokes
George Bush Jokes
Republican Jokes
Democrat Jokes

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Comments

December 11, 2010 at 4:21 pm
(1) kilo says:

not a bad collection of jokes…could be better if you had the video clips to go with them….perhaps mash the all up into one giant video.

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