See Also:
• Funniest Weinergate Headlines
• Best Anthony Weiner Cartoons
Rep. Anthony Weiner's admission to tweeting lewd pictures of himself has turned him into a late-night laughingstock. Here's a roundup of the best Weiner jokes:
"It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, 'I don't know.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Congressman Weiner is in a lot of trouble since he tweeted those pictures. But good news for him, he just found out he'll be allowed to keep his porn name ... Anthony Weiner." —Conan O'Brien
"Anthony Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate messages to several women via Twitter, text, email, and Facebook. I think the lesson here is that if you're going to send explicit pictures of yourself, send them through MySpace, where no one will notice." —Jimmy Kimmel
"51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it." —Conan O'Brien
"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?" —Jon Stewart
"I don't know if laws were broken or not, but Weiner was sending around pictures of him in his underpants and I thought, Well, now, wait a minute, what is the big deal? Don't men and women in Congress get to mail their packages for free?!" —David Letterman
"This is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days of Senator Larry Craig when you had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door...Now they send it right to your house." —Jay Leno
"Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!" —Stephen Colbert
Read more late-night jokes about Anthony Weiner...
Best Weiner Jokes on Twitter
The Weinergate jokes are flying fast and furious on Twitter. Here are the best of the bunch:
"BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner has apologized to Paul Revere." —Steve Martin
"Tattoo it on your chest, MEMENTO-style, Weiner: 'The Internet is forever."" —Patton Oswalt
"A historic day for trivial Twitter fame. Charlie Sheen has called Anthony Weiner to offer his concession." —Arianna Huffington
"Weiner-gate is teaching me a few things..if a pic posted of my weener on web looks big: i posted it, if its small, my account was hacked." —David Spade
"Just my luck! On the same day I find out it's bad to tweet dirty pictures, FedEx shows up w/ all that penis make-up I ordered!" —Andy Richter
"BREAKING: Rep. Anthony Weiner admits the Twitter pics are his. He also said, 'When I took the pics it was really really cold." —Justin Stangel
"Tough to know what Weiner was really thinking during his press conference because he was standing behind a podium." —Andy Borowitz
"Well, our long, national nut-mare is over." —Steven Weber
"Now that we have certitude of what Weiner's wang looks like, let's use it to raise the debt ceiling!" —Jason Linkins
"STEVE MARTIN IS REALLY OILED AND BUFF. OMG, my Twitter account was just hacked." —Steve Martin
"I guess this is what happens when Bill Clinton presides at your wedding." —Sara Benincasa
"Remember when the only people who saw a politician's penis were hookers and interns?" —Jason Mustian
"Maybe Weiner and his wife have an open genital-tweeting marriage." —Mileskahn
"Americans will remember where they were, what they were doing, and what color underwear they were wearing when today's news broke." —Arianna Huffington
"Somewhere James Carville is thankful that Bill Clinton didnt have a cellphone with a camera back in the 90s." —PatGarofalo
"Too bad Boehner won't stand up for Weiner." —JasonIsbell
"Which would make a better theme song for weiner: You Can't Touch This or Pants on the Ground?" —elraei
"Schwartzenegger, Weiner, DSK and John Edwards walk in a bar. There were no survivors." —iowahawkblog
"I hope that instead of retiring Weiner just reads a list of jokes. 'This is hard.' 'Yes: I am pulling out.' 'We faced stiff challenges.'" —bengreenman
Top 10 Weinergate Headlines
1. Battle of the Bulge, Weiner Exposed (New York Post)
2. Disgusted Democrats Letting Weiner Shrivel (New York Post)
3. Yeah, I'm A Schmuck (New York Daily News)
4. The Big Wang Theory (The Daily Show)
5. Weiner's Pickle (Daily News)
6. Cocksure Weiner Mocked Larry Craig Sex Scandal (TMZ)
7. The Lesson of Weiner's Schnitzel: Delete, Delete, Delete (Kansas City Star)
8. Boehner Won't Bite on Weiner (CNSNews)
9. Congressman Wants Weiner Probe (Fox News)
10. Weiner's 'Junk' Defense (The Daily Beast)
Related:
• Funny Anthony Weiner Pictures
• Anthony Weiner Cartoons
• Sex Scandal Hall of Shame
• Latest Late-Night Jokes
• Funniest Weinergate Headlines
• Best Anthony Weiner Cartoons
Rep. Anthony Weiner's admission to tweeting lewd pictures of himself has turned him into a late-night laughingstock. Here's a roundup of the best Weiner jokes:
"It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, 'I don't know.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Congressman Weiner is in a lot of trouble since he tweeted those pictures. But good news for him, he just found out he'll be allowed to keep his porn name ... Anthony Weiner." —Conan O'Brien
"Anthony Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate messages to several women via Twitter, text, email, and Facebook. I think the lesson here is that if you're going to send explicit pictures of yourself, send them through MySpace, where no one will notice." —Jimmy Kimmel
"51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it." —Conan O'Brien
"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?" —Jon Stewart
"I don't know if laws were broken or not, but Weiner was sending around pictures of him in his underpants and I thought, Well, now, wait a minute, what is the big deal? Don't men and women in Congress get to mail their packages for free?!" —David Letterman
"This is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days of Senator Larry Craig when you had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door...Now they send it right to your house." —Jay Leno
"Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!" —Stephen Colbert
Read more late-night jokes about Anthony Weiner...
Best Weiner Jokes on Twitter
The Weinergate jokes are flying fast and furious on Twitter. Here are the best of the bunch:
"BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner has apologized to Paul Revere." —Steve Martin
"Tattoo it on your chest, MEMENTO-style, Weiner: 'The Internet is forever."" —Patton Oswalt
"A historic day for trivial Twitter fame. Charlie Sheen has called Anthony Weiner to offer his concession." —Arianna Huffington
"Weiner-gate is teaching me a few things..if a pic posted of my weener on web looks big: i posted it, if its small, my account was hacked." —David Spade
"Just my luck! On the same day I find out it's bad to tweet dirty pictures, FedEx shows up w/ all that penis make-up I ordered!" —Andy Richter
"BREAKING: Rep. Anthony Weiner admits the Twitter pics are his. He also said, 'When I took the pics it was really really cold." —Justin Stangel
"Tough to know what Weiner was really thinking during his press conference because he was standing behind a podium." —Andy Borowitz
"Well, our long, national nut-mare is over." —Steven Weber
"Now that we have certitude of what Weiner's wang looks like, let's use it to raise the debt ceiling!" —Jason Linkins
"STEVE MARTIN IS REALLY OILED AND BUFF. OMG, my Twitter account was just hacked." —Steve Martin
"I guess this is what happens when Bill Clinton presides at your wedding." —Sara Benincasa
"Remember when the only people who saw a politician's penis were hookers and interns?" —Jason Mustian
"Maybe Weiner and his wife have an open genital-tweeting marriage." —Mileskahn
"Americans will remember where they were, what they were doing, and what color underwear they were wearing when today's news broke." —Arianna Huffington
"Somewhere James Carville is thankful that Bill Clinton didnt have a cellphone with a camera back in the 90s." —PatGarofalo
"Too bad Boehner won't stand up for Weiner." —JasonIsbell
"Which would make a better theme song for weiner: You Can't Touch This or Pants on the Ground?" —elraei
"Schwartzenegger, Weiner, DSK and John Edwards walk in a bar. There were no survivors." —iowahawkblog
"I hope that instead of retiring Weiner just reads a list of jokes. 'This is hard.' 'Yes: I am pulling out.' 'We faced stiff challenges.'" —bengreenman
Top 10 Weinergate Headlines
1. Battle of the Bulge, Weiner Exposed (New York Post)
2. Disgusted Democrats Letting Weiner Shrivel (New York Post)
3. Yeah, I'm A Schmuck (New York Daily News)
4. The Big Wang Theory (The Daily Show)
5. Weiner's Pickle (Daily News)
6. Cocksure Weiner Mocked Larry Craig Sex Scandal (TMZ)
7. The Lesson of Weiner's Schnitzel: Delete, Delete, Delete (Kansas City Star)
8. Boehner Won't Bite on Weiner (CNSNews)
9. Congressman Wants Weiner Probe (Fox News)
10. Weiner's 'Junk' Defense (The Daily Beast)
Related:
• Funny Anthony Weiner Pictures
• Anthony Weiner Cartoons
• Sex Scandal Hall of Shame
• Latest Late-Night Jokes
Comments
This Weiner is a stand up guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnIHd8S_jGQ
I am a physician and I have noted that in profile Anthony Weiner nose is curved downward yet in the nude photos it seems that his penis is curved upwards So
IF HE DOES NOT STOP LYING they will both eventually meet
Weiner joke:
I hear his wife is pregnant. Oh hell, the wennies are cummin! oops. too late.
“I did not have text with that woman.”
(from the Michael Savage show)
I guess from now on he’ll be out of the picture.
Looks like congress lost their weiner.
Anthony Weiner should be most grateful that Rabbis do not circuncise noses