"We're getting closer and closer to the country going into default. We could be out of money by August 2nd. How many people are surprised by that? How many people are surprised we still have enough money to make it until August 2nd?" —Jay Leno
"The government is one week away from running out of money to pay its bills. So basically, our nation has become Nicholas Cage." —Conan O'Brien
"It's not, 'All right, let's all chip in and we'll buy a keg for the big party.' It's, 'Buy me a keg and I won't burn your f**kin' house down.'" —Jon Stewart on Republicans' approach to compromise during debt negotiations
"Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?" —Jay Leno
Read more jokes about the debt ceiling madness...
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