Iraq Prison Scandal Jokes

"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad where he visited Abu Ghraib prison. Apparently, the visit was going well until Rumsfeld took out his camera and said, 'Hey, how about a few pictures?'" —Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit to Baghdad this week where he told reporters, 'If anyone thinks I'm here to throw water on a fire, they're wrong.' So, more bad news for Iraqi prisoners who are on fire." —Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Rumsfeld visited that famous prison and he said he has all those guards under control now. In fact, he said he's got them all on a very short leash." —Jay Leno

"A Bush administration official told Congress yesterday that the war in Iraq could cost almost 60 billion dollars. President Bush said he plans to pay for it with a video series called 'Prison Guards Gone Wild." —Conan O'Brien

"The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk." —Craig Kilborn

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told senators that the Geneva convention on prisoner's rights applies in Iraq, but not for prisoners held in Guantanamo Bay. When asked what the difference was Rumsfeld said that nobody has pictures of Guantanamo Bay." —Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said he will not punish Donald Rumsfeld. Which is good, because no one wants to see pictures of a naked, old man." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush apologized on TV to Iraqi prisoners. I don't know if the apology was sincere, because at the end, he says, 'I'm George Bush and I approve of this naked pyramid.'" —Craig Kilborn

"Who would have ever thought that more naked pictures would come out under the Bush administration than under the Clinton administration?" —Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that he was responsible for the abuse of the Iraqi prisoners. And today President Bush said the abuse was cruel and disgraceful and an affront to the most basic standards of morality and decency. And then he told Rumsfeld that he was doing a superb job. Then Rumsfeld said, 'What the hell do I gotta do to get fired?'" —Jay Leno

"Finally some good news for those naked Iraqi inmates, they just got hired for next year's Superbowl Halftime show." —Craig Kilborn

"Donald Rumsfeld testified before Congress today. Donald Rumsfeld said he didn't read the report on Iraqi prisoners because it was too long and it contained too much information. When he heard this, President Bush said 'Hey that's my line.'" —Conan O'Brien

"It's a good thing there are no gay people in the military because otherwise weird sex stuff might happen." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Members of Congress now say there are videos and dozens of pictures of that West Virginia Private Lynndie England — you know the girl with the leash. I'm not making this up and I feel bad saying it, but there's video of her having group sex with American soldiers in front of Iraqi prisoners. ... You know what the sad thing is — this is the biggest coalition they've been able to put together in Iraq so far." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said today he wants U.S. troops to pull out — of each other." —Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh spoke out on the Iraqi prison pictures situation today. He said it's entirely generated by the media. What? Is this guy on drugs?" —Jay Leno

"Foreign policy experts say that this Iraqi prison abuse thing could be a real setback in relations between American and Arab countries. But it was going so well up until this." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit." —Craig Kilborn

"June 30th is the day we're handing sovereignty back to the Iraqis. Hey, forget sovereignty — I think they'll be happy just to get their clothes back." —Jay Leno