|Bush's First 100 Days|
"Probably wearing a red tie too many times." —George W. Bush, reflecting on his biggest mistake during the first hundred days
"On Monday, President Bush will reach his 100th day in office. It's a big milestone for him, surpassed all expectations. In fact, so has Dick Cheney. Cheney was only supposed to make it to day 73." —Jay Leno
"According to the latest poll in the Washington Post, 63 percent of Americans said that so far they approve of President Bush. Not surprisingly, the other 37 percent are English teachers." —Conan O'Brien
"Coming up is the 100th day of the George Bush administration. I want to tell you now, things are starting to look very, very dark for the Al Gore campaign. Very, very bleak." —David Letterman
"With all those kids in the tub, it's not arsenic in the water I'd be worried about." —George W. Bush, at the White House Correspondents Association dinner, displaying a childhood photo of himself and his siblings in a bathtub with their father
"My advice is, don't peak too early." —George W. Bush, at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, showing off his first-grade report card, in which he received all A's
Bushism Alert: "First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country." —George W. Bush, on the Kyoto accord, April 24, 2001
"It's interesting to see how George W. runs his White House versus how Bubba was running his White House. George W. says they are changing the policy, that no longer on Air Force One flights will they show movies with sex scenes in them. I never would have thought of that. They made the change because recently on a flight during 'Tom Cats,' Dick Cheney had another heart attack." —David Letterman
"President Bush announced today he'll approve the sale of four destroyers to Taiwan. Bush is trying to walk a fine line between helping Taiwan and not angering China. Bush admitted today he is not used to dealing with two different Chinas. In fact, Bush's staff admitted today that he still doesn't get the Dakotas thing." —Jay Leno
"Strategery Group." —A name that senior White House officials use to describe a group that meets regularly to plot political strategy — with apologies to Saturday Night Live
"The Little Sheriff — George Bush Jr. against the rest of the world." —A header on the cover of the German weekly magazine Der Spiegel, which ran a cartoon depicting the U.S. leader as a cowboy with a pistol in each hand and sitting atop a globe
"Yesterday at the White House, in the middle of an interview, President Bush jumped up out of his chair and started swatting at a housefly. When asked about it, the White House spokesperson said, 'Hey, that's nothing. You should see him chase a tennis ball.'" —Conan O'Brien
Bushism Alert: "It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce." —George W. Bush, at the Summit of the Americas in Quebec City
"President Bush is back from that big trade summit up in Canada, but he said the water tastes funny up there without the arsenic in it." —Jay Leno
"President Bush is up there (in Canada) with 34 other world leaders, but he is going home early because he was voted the weakest link. Goodbye." —Jay Leno
"As President Bush so eloquently put it in his address to Congress: 'Mathematics are one of the fundamentaries of educationalizing our youths.' I could not have said it better with a 10-foot pole." —Dave Barry, writing in the Miami Herald
"During the 2000 campaign, George W. Bush promised to restore 'honor and dignity' to the Oval Office. But he didn't say when, and the dignity part at any rate appears to be a little slow in coming. A source tells UPI the president ended a recent energy policy meeting with Vice President Dick Cheney and others by jokingly offering his own personal stores of 'natural gas' to help alleviate the energy crisis." —UPI's Capital Comment 6/13/01
"He doesn't make that many." —First Lady Laura Bush, asked on Larry King Live if she gets annoyed with her husband’s grammatical errors
"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards." —Conan O'Brien
"I think that if you are the leader of planet Earth, you should be smarter than me. You just get the feeling, don't you, in the Oval Office that Dick Cheney is working behind the big desk. And then off to the right there is a little collapsible card table where George has like airplanes and stuff. Then every once in a while he looks up and says, 'I've discovered that if I shut my eyes, I can disappear.'" —Saturday Night Live's Darrel Hammond, on why he didn't vote for Bush
Bushism Alert: "Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican." —President Bush, on not taking questions at a photo opportunity with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien
"I may be the only mother in America who knows exactly what their child is up to all the time." —Barbara Bush, on her son, George W.
"Both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released their income tax figures for last year. President Bush made $894,000. Dick Cheney made $36 million. The vice president made 40 times more than the president. That doesn't seem right. It's not like Dick Cheney is 40 times smarter than — ooohhh." —Jay Leno
"(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left. It is kind of the opposite way we elect a president." —Jay Leno
"On Monday, President Bush wrote a letter offering his condolences to the wife of the missing Chinese fighter pilot. After Bush wrote the letter, it was quickly given to experts and then translated. Then it was translated into Chinese." —Jimmy Fallon, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"The Bush family cat Ernie, missing for weeks, turned up early Tuesday morning wandering down Hollywood's Avenue of the stars — coked out of its mind." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"In Washington earlier today, they had the annual White House Easter egg hunt. You know, where they put the Easter eggs out on the lawn and the kids come out and run around and look for the Easter eggs. And something actually fairly dramatic happened. One kid looking for Easter eggs found 800 missing Al Gore ballots." —David Letterman
"The men and women from the U.S. spy plane in China landed in Hawaii earlier today and George W. Bush, who is still pensive, said, yeah they are in Hawaii, but he is not going to rest until they are on U.S. soil." —David Letterman
Bushism Alert: "This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end." —George W. Bush, April 10, 2001
"George W. Bush, I'm telling you, this guy has no luck when it comes to China. Last night, for example, he's out having dinner at a Chinese restaurant and they bring him the fortune cookie. He opens it up — guess what — it's another ballot for Al Gore." —David Letterman
"George Bush's approval rating has dropped from 60% to 53%. It doesn't seem like that much because it is like 7%, but this is the kind of thing that panics people in power. I am thinking to myself, 'What this guy needs is a sex scandal.'" —David Letterman
"President Bush said for security reasons, he's sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be using email at the White House at all. Is that a good idea? I mean, it's not like that speaking thing was working out so good." —Jay Leno
"Sources say President Bush has sought counsel from his father during the ongoing spy plane standoff with China. George Senior told his son that when it comes to dealing with Asian nations, you have to meet personally with the country's leaders and vomit on them." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Cheney Cloned — President Has Nothing to Do at All Now" —George W. Bush, airing headlines he'd like to see in the future
"Yesterday the Bush Administration announced it was no longer going to test school lunches for salmonella. Can you get more Republican than this? Screw these little weasel kids. So many people protested that they're going to allow it again. I guess the Republican theory is, you don't have to test for salmonella because the arsenic in the drinking water would kill the germs." —Jay Leno
"You know this whole China thing, with the spy plane and the mounting tension and all that stuff? I don't trust this George Bush because he looked at China on the map and saw that it was red and thought that it was one of those states that voted Republican." —David Letterman
"The situation with China is starting to get a little dicey. On the news tonight they said that this could potentially hurt trade between the U.S. and China. Ooooh, trade! You gonna miss all that stuff from China? Those little bamboo umbrellas? Maybe they'll stop sending us defective Pandas that don't even know how to mate." —Jay Leno
"We got word today that our people are all fine. Everybody is alive. The crew is okay. But they said today if the crew members are tried and convicted of spying by China, they could be sentenced to work for Nike." —Jay Leno
"They elected the symbol of ebonics to the presidency of this nation. There ain't no brother in Oakland, or anywhere else, that would run the phrase or mix up the words the way this cat does. It raises serious questions about whether he's really white." —San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown
"Over the weekend, President Bush announced he is installing a Little League baseball diamond on the grounds of the White House. It's going to be taking place where President Clinton's all-girl Jell-O wrestling pit used to be." —Jay Leno
"Big day down in Washington. The space shuttle astronauts visited the White House. They met Bush, they got to shake hands with Vice President Dick Cheney. Of course, they had to reach into the oxygen tent to shake his hand." —David Letterman
"Bush was very excited to meet the shuttle astronauts. They told Bush what it looked like from outer space when Florida turned red" —David Letterman
"It's our little silly statement on the sitcomization of American politics." —Matt Stone, co-creator of That's My Bush!
"We told our actors to get their s--- together because we're all getting audited." —Trey Parker, co-creator of That's My Bush!, on how he expects the new sitcom to be received by the White House
Bushism Alert: "A lot of times in the rhetoric, people forget the facts. And the facts are that thousands of small businesses —Hispanically owned or otherwise — pay taxes at the highest marginal rate." George W. Bush, speaking to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, March 19, 2001
"(Yogi Berra's) been an inspiration to me — not only because of his baseball skills but, of course, for the enduring mark he left on the English language. Some of the press corps even think he might be my speechwriter." —George W. Bush, hosting baseball Hall of Famers at the White House
"If they would read it closely they would see I'm using the transitive plural tense so the word 'is' are correct." —George W. Bush, explaining at the Radio & TV Correspondents Dinner the brilliance behind his infamous remark "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"It is a very complicated economic point I was making there. Believe me, what this country needs is taller pie." —George W. Bush, explaining what he meant when he said "We ought to make the pie higher"
"You see, anyone can give you a coherent sentence. But this takes you to an entirely new dimension." —George W. Bush, reflecting on his remark "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully"
Bushism Alert: "I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." —George W. Bush, who meant to say "misunderestimated"
"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before." —George W. Bush
"Those stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin. You know for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'" —George W. Bush, at the 2000 Gridiron dinner
"A hobby I enjoy is mapping the human genome. I hope one day I can clone another Dick Cheney. Then I won't have to do anything." —George W. Bush, at the Gridiron dinner
"You know all those press organizations that have been doing a recount in Florida? Well, you won." —George W. Bush, to former presidential candidate Ralph Nader, at the Gridiron Dinner
"Are you with the Chinese press? Your English is perfect. You speak better English than I do." —George W. Bush, to a Chinese reporter
"Self-deprecation is a good move, whether you're trying to get a date or run the country, because it's endearing and softens you and brings in the pity factor. But with Bush, you still have the feeling that he thinks he's the coolest guy in the frat." —Humorist Michael Colton, editor of My First Presidentiary: a Scrapbook by George W. Bush
"According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well." —Jay Leno
"Americans can sleep at night knowing our leader can kick any other leader's butt." —Time magazine's "7 Steps To A Buff Presidential Bod (In 4 Years Or Less)"
"Speaking at an event in Florida this week, President Bush criticized Democrats saying they 'want to keep re-voting the election but if they would listen to America they would find that Americans want to move forward.' Americans responded saying we do want to move forward — to 2004." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"This week George W. Bush reversed his campaign pledge to limit carbon dioxide emissions and proposed cutting anti-drug programs for public housing residents, saying the addicts should just be evicted instead — which brings the tally up to: conservative 97, compassionate 0." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Maybe it's knocked his syntax straight." —ABC's Cokie Roberts, on Bush banging his head on the door while boarding Marine One
"George W. Bush had a very active first 100 days in the White House. Now there is a dress code in the White House, even Dick Cheney has to wear a tie with his hospital gown." —David Letterman
"Vice President returns from hospital — doctors say he will be up and using the military to protect the oil interests of his millionaire friends in no time." —Daily Show host Jon Stewart
"Proving that his heart is his least vulnerable spot, Vice President Dick Cheney went back to work Wednesday just two days after receiving angioplasty surgery. Doctors have likened the surgery to thrusting a bratwurst through a pixie stick." —Daily Show host Jon Stewart
"Dick Cheney told reporters today he has a new personal philosophy on life. He says the best part of waking up — is waking up! ... He has had so many heart attacks, the doctors don't even put stitches in him anymore. They have Velcro now." —Jay Leno
"We both use Colgate toothpaste." —George W. Bush, in response to a reporter's question about whether he and British Prime Minister Tony Blair shared anything in common
"Well, he got this new globe for Christmas." —Bob Dole, dispelling rumors that George W. Bush lacks a grasp of foreign affairs
"I find the language of George W. much more offensive." —Madonna, on rapper Eminem
"In the short time that he's been in office, President Bush has turned into the most traveled president in history. He has spent almost 1/3 of his nights away from the White House. This is a new record. In fact, he has spent more nights away from home than any American president not married to Hillary Clinton." —Jay Leno
"You never see Bush in the Oval Office. He's always playing golf, or he's riding a horse in Texas, or he's playing tennis. You know? I can't tell if he's president or filming a feminine hygiene commercial." —Jay Leno
"Today George W. Bush went to Florida. It is the first time that he has been there since the election, and he thanked all of the Florida voters for being so stupid." —David Letterman
"Dick Cheney had another angioplasty in his heart last week. Is that really a big deal for him anymore? It's pretty much like getting a haircut. Every couple of weeks, he goes in and says, 'Take a little off the left ventricle.'" —Jay Leno
"Doctors say that Cheney's heart is not in very good shape, and they are thinking of replacing it one day with a donor heart. That's why they keep Bush around — for the heart. Why do you think they've got Bush running every day?" —Jay Leno
"It was so boring, Monica got up from under the podium and left." —From David Letterman's "Top Ten Answers To The Question, 'How Boring Was George W. Bush's Speech?'"
"President Bush's daughter Jenna bailed a boyfriend out of jail Sunday after he was arrested at a TCU fraternity party for public drunkenness. Her parents wept when they heard. It reminded them so much of their first date." —Comedian Argus Hamilton
"That he publicly apologize for performing at George W. Bush's Inauguration, and if he confirms that when he danced next to George W. Bush at the Inauguration, he could smell brimstone and that George W. Bush is in fact the spawn of Satan. Otherwise, no deal." —Moby's condition for performing with singer Ricky Martin
"Last night George W. Bush was giving his first televised address to the joint Houses of Congress. Meanwhile, up at Columbia University, Al Gore was saying, 'Who wants to come up here and erase the board." —David Letterman
"It was pretty exciting — so exciting that, at one point, Dick Cheney sat up in his gurney." —David Letterman, on Bush's address to Congress
"Earlier tonight, President George Bush delivered his first address before joint houses of Congress and I believe the speech went over pretty well. It was interrupted 97 times by applause, and it was interrupted three times by Dick Cheney's heart attacks." —David Letterman
"I thought this was nice. This will probably become a tradition with Bush. As he entered the chamber to deliver his speech, he was high-fived by the Supreme Court." —David Letterman
"Last night was a very special evening at the White House. And I'm pleased to say that none of the silverware is missing." —Dick Cheney, on the Republican Governor's Association White House dinner
"Tomorrow night, Speaker Hastert and I will be sitting above the rostrum as the president presents his budget. Hopefully, we won't overshadow the evening with our charisma." —Dick Cheney, on Bush's first address to Congress
Bushism alert: "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." —George W. Bush, Feb. 21, 2001
"I'm getting tired of (George W. Bush's) picture on the front page. He kisses everybody that gets within reach. I think it was because of his success with Oprah.” —Former senator/presidential candidate Eugene McCarthy
"As long as you only give him the tops and not the stalks, and especially if it has a great cheese sauce." —First Lady Laura Bush, on how to get her husband to eat his broccoli
"President George W. Bush will appear tonight on Bob Costas' show talking about baseball. Finally, a subject he knows something about. Bush is a huge baseball fan — well, duh. A sport where millionaires work two hours a day? That's the story of his life." —Jay Leno
"George W. Bush celebrated one month as president of the United States. Let me tell you something, things are starting to look pretty bleak for Al Gore." —David Letterman
"The Pentagon announced yesterday that U.S. and British planes had struck Iraqi air defense sites south of Baghdad. Defense officials say the president wanted to send a clear message to the Iraqi government that he knows exactly where Iraq is." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?" —Jay Leno
"Navy officials confirmed yesterday that a Texas oil magnate named John Hall was at the controls of the USS Greenville when it struck a Japanese fishing boat last week. Apparently Hall was participating in the Navy's 'Take Your Billionaire To Work Day.'" —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
Bushism alert: "We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House — make no mistake about it." —George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001
"On Friday, President Bush ordered the bombing of Iraq. You know, bombing Iraq has become kind of a family tradition in the Bush household. In fact, Bush said today he looked forward today when one day his children would also be able to bomb Iraq." —Jay Leno
"The Democrats are going after Bush's tax plan. Democrats are saying that under Bush's tax plan that the rich would get richer. As opposed to the Clinton plan where the rich just get pardoned." —Jay Leno
"It was reported today that modern accurate voting machines, accurate voting machines will not be available nationwide in time for the 2004 Presidential Election. After hearing this President Bush said, 'Thank God!'" —Conan O'Brien
"George W. Bush is like a bad comic working the crowd, a moron, if you'll pardon the expression." —Martin "President Josiah Bartlet" Sheen, in an interview with BBC
"Everyone thinks that we are going to make him look like a boob. ... He is going to do that fine on his own. We're not out to skewer a president. We're out to do something very, very subversive and actually make you like this guy." —Trey Parker, co-creator of Comedy Central's That's My Bush!, on plans for portraying George W.
"Later this month George W. Bush will make his first European trip as president, visiting Prime Minister Tony Blair in London. Hoping to make a good impression, Bush has spent the last week trying to learn a few English words." —Tina Fey, on SNL's "Weekend Update"
"When that crazy gunman started firing shots at the White House, the press spokesman said that Bush was working out in the gym while Vice President Dick Cheney was hard at work at his desk. See, now that the election's over, they're not even trying to hide who's really running the country anymore." —Jay Leno
"(Bush) is trying to sell his $1.6 trillion tax cut for rich people. I don't know if he's the guy to sell this, because reporters asked him if he wanted the tax cut to be retroactive and he said, 'No, because then only Superman could touch it.'" —Bill Maher
"The big story continues to be the shooting in the front of the White House. They've been investigating this gunman, and it seems the only time he has been in trouble was a traffic ticket in 1993. Basically, this is the first time in history that the president has a worse criminal record than the guy who was shooting at him." —Jay Leno
"Today the Secret Service said that at no time was President Bush ever in danger. In fact they said Bush didn't even hear the gunfire because he was sitting in his office popping bubble wrap all day." —Jay Leno
"Kind of a cute scene down in Washington, D.C. earlier today: A squirrel on the lawn of the White House, gathering shellcasings. ... An armed gunman was caught shooting at the White House, you know? You're just going to have to get used to the fact that the election is over, Mr. Gore. ... Witnesses say that the gunman, the guy outside the White House, was middle-aged and confused. And I'm thinking, well coincidentally, that's how you can describe the guy inside the White House." —David Letterman
"Yesterday the Secret Service caught a former IRS employee outside the White House after he fired three shots from a gun. That is right, the man was immediately arrested and given a job at the post office. ... The Secret Service said that the last weirdo who came that close to the White House before being stopped was Al Gore." —Conan O'Brien
"Scary moment at the White House today. A lone gunman started firing shots until the Secret Service arrested him. And the really scary part is that the minute it happened the Bushes wanted to barricade themselves behind some furniture, but the Clintons had taken it all. D'oh!" —Jay Leno
"They say that everyone in the White House was startled by the gunfire. Here is my question: how can you tell when George Bush is startled? Doesn't he always look that way?" —Jay Leno
Bushism alert: "There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it." —George W. Bush, speaking to Catholic leaders at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001
"George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well — the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system." —David Letterman
"I think my party looks like a bunch of weenies." —CNN’s Bill Press, on Democrats cooperating with George W. Bush during his first week in office
Bushism alert: "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." —George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Jan. 29, 2001
"A Dairy Queen cashier in Danville, Kentucky accidentally gave change for a novelty $200 bill with George W. Bush's picture on it. Reached for comment, Bush said, 'Well, if I am not on the $200 bill, who the hell is?'" —Craig Kilborn
"I'm about to name my brother the ambassador to Chad." —George W. Bush, joking to a group of Roman Catholic leaders about his reward to Jeb Bush for delivering Florida
Bushism alert: "I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure." —George W. Bush, Jan. 18, 2001
"President Bush has promised to bring bipartisanship to his administration, and it looks like it's working. In a surprise appearance yesterday, he appeared with Senator Ted Kennedy at an elementary school to talk about education. According to the Washington Post, they are going to make a number of appearances together. Bush and Kennedy together, huh? Who's the designated driver in that one?"—Jay Leno
"It was good to see two very proud men — you know, George W. Bush, Sr. and Chief Justice Rehnquist." —Former President Jimmy Carter, talking about the Bush inauguration during an appearance on the Tonight Show
"President Bush announced his new faith-based funding for Americans in need. The way faith-based funding works is, if you're poor and you need help, then you pray the Republicans don't cut the program." —Jay Leno
"There are reports that say when Bush moved into the White House they found extensive vandalism done to the White House offices. So now, thanks to Clinton, I guess the White House is like a fixer-upper." —Jay Leno
"It would have been 'Wow,' but the W was removed so now it's just O." —Bush Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, explaining his reaction to the missing W keys on computer keyboards around the White House, a prank pulled by outgoing Clinton staffers
Bushism alert: "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." —George W. Bush
"The other person suffering tonight has got to be Jeb...This is the national equivalent of electing Roger Clinton president." —Time magazine's Matt Cooper, during an inauguration weekend comedy show
"That gentleman has arrived there, and hopefully he is not as stupid as he seems, nor as mafia-like as his predecessors were." —Fidel Castro on President Bush
"Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?" —Jay Leno
"Ricky Martin performed at the Lincoln Memorial. Afterward, Lincoln's statue was heard saying, that's what I hate about theater." —Comedian Lewis Black, on the inauguration festivities
"I could never be the president. Think about it. I've abused cocaine, I've been arrested, I'm not a very smart guy. It's a big joke to think people would want someone like me just because his dad was president." —Charlie Sheen, asked on Saturday Night Live if he'd ever like the job his father has playing the president on West Wing
"It took his brother, his father, his father's friends, the Florida secretary of state, and the Supreme Court to pull it off. His entire life gives fresh meaning to the phrase 'assisted living'" —Garry Trudeau on George W. Bush, in an interview with the New Yorker
Bushism alert: "I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be — a more literate country and a hopefuller country." —George W. Bush, Jan. 2001
"We make fun of George W. Bush, but this morning he was at work bright and early. Okay, he was early." —Jay Leno
"Due to a small but significant clause in the U.S. Constitution, I will be out of the office from January 21, 2001 until January 20, 2005." —Al Gore senior adviser Michael Feldman's message on his White House voicemail
"Houston, we have your problem." —Daily Show kicker for Bush Inaugural coverage
"George W. Bush is clearly the best thing to happen to political humorists since — well, since Bill Clinton." —Daniel Kurtzman, reporter-turned political humorist for the Web site About.com (quoted in Time magazine)