| Duct and Cover | |
|
Terrorism Preparedness Guide |
The U.S. government has a new website, Ready.gov.
It's
another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and
cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations:
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.
If you spot terrorism, blow your
anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin
it against the wall with your shoulder.
If you are sprayed with an
unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
Use your flashlight to lift
the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate
smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a
terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f**k
away.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the
biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
Be on the lookout for
terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together
manically.
If a door is closed, karate
chop it open.
If your building collapses, give yourself a bl*wj*b while waiting to be
rescued.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region.
After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.
After exposure to radiation
it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions:
watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to
close the window. No one wants to see that s**t.
If you hear the Backstreet
Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like
hell.
If your lungs and stomach
start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
If you are trapped under
falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens
during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
Do
not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
A one-inch thick piece of
plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
Always remember to carry food
with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke
and apple before you die.
Source: Forwarded Email
Related
Links
•
Homeland
Security Follies
• Iraq War Humor
• War on Terrorism: Full Humor Coverage
