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Clinton Goes to Hell
One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart
attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for
him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on
my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll
tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as
bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let you decide who leaves."
Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so
the devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of
water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell. "No," Bill said. "I don't think so.
I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
So the devil led him to the next room. In it
was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was
swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem
with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Bill.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton
saw Jesse Jackson lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his
legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing
what she does best. Clinton took this in in disbelief and finally said,
"Yea, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica,
you're free to go!"
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