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A Guide to U.S. Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who
think they run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who
think they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they
ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They
do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who
wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they
didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose
parents used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people
who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as
they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who
don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really
scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by
people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but
whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional
exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs,
who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they
are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are
running another country, but need the baseball scores.
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