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Republicans in Hell
While walking down the street one day, a
Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives
in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high
official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with
you."
"No problem, just let me in." says
the Republican.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from
higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one
in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to
be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front
of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him,
everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and
reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the
people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster
and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very
friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before
he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while
the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So
24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented
souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and
another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."
He reflects for a minute, then the head of
state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been
delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and
he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is
in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The
Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the
Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and
club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all
there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
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