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Presidential Debate Jokes

Best Late-Night Jokes About the Obama-Romney Debates


Presidential Debate Jokes
See Also:
Best Mitt Romney Jokes
Best Barack Obama Jokes
Funniest 2012 Election Pictures
Best 2012 Election Cartoons

"It's like Obama wasn't even there. He hasn't done this poorly since he debated Clint Eastwood." –Stephen Colbert

"There is no red America! There is no blue America! There is only the America that can't believe how bad this guy did in the debate." –Jon Stewart on Obama's debate performance

"Mitt Romney said he's going to get rid of Big Bird and slash PBS. And then he mentions Donald Trump, who endorses Mitt Romney. It's interesting -- one is a comical TV character with synthetic yellow hair, and then you have Big Bird." –David Letterman

"They say close to 60 million people may have watched the debate. In fact, the only person who didn't tune in was President Obama. What happened?" –Jay Leno

"After months of buildup, last night was the first presidential debate at the University of Denver. Of course, a lot of big names didn't show up to the event -- Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, President Obama." -Jimmy Fallon

"At one point last night President said the one thing about being president is learning to say no -- especially when someone asks, 'Do you feel ready for this debate?'" –Conan O'Brien

"During last night's debate, Mitt Romney said he'd cut funds to PBS, even though he loves Big Bird. He's definitely against whatever the hell Bert and Ernie are up to." –Conan O'Brien

"Say what you will about Mitt Romney. Less night I thought he was energetic, he was crisp, he was dynamic. What have you done with the real Mitt Romney?" –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney did so well last night, hell, he may even release his tax return. He did so well last night, he might even let poor people vote." –David Letterman

"60 million people watched this from around the world. And from the Cayman Islands, even Mitt's money was watching." –David Letterman

"A lot of people disappointed in President Obama's performance last night. Last night, critics say President Obama spent too much time looking down at something on the podium. And today the president apologized and said, 'At the next debate, no more angry birds.'" –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama talked last night about finding new sources of energy. He couldn't muster enough energy for the 90-minute debate. And to make matters worse, last night was his anniversary. The only way his wedding anniversary could have been worse was if he had forgotten it." –Jay Leno

"The President seemed to give long-winded, disjointed answers during last night's debate. Even Gay Busey was like, 'Dude you've got to focus.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Today was not only the first presidential debate, it was also President Obama's 20th wedding anniversary. I think the president got a little confused. At one point, he told Michelle that she was out of touch with the middle class and Romney that he looks as beautiful as the day they first met." –Conan O'Brien

"Tonight was the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Not only that, it was also Obama's 20th wedding anniversary. It was a little weird during the debate when Obama promised to balance the budget, lower taxes, and be home by 10:00 for cuddle time." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's being reported that Mitt Romney's goal for tonight's debate is to make Barack Obama look like Jimmy Carter. Meanwhile, Barack Obama's goal is to make Mitt Romney look like Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien

"Tonight is the first presidential debate of 2012. Tonight was also one of the only nights of the year when you might actually hear someone say, 'Honey, turn on C-SPAN.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Tonight also happens to be Obama's 20th wedding anniversary. That seems very convenient. 'Honey, I'd love to go to the ballet with you, but I'm debating Mitt Romney that night.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The presidential debates were earlier tonight, and I think most of the nation's all thinking the same thing – just one more day until Thursday Night Football." –Jay Leno

"Watching the debates is a lot like football, particularly the New York Jets. Tebow is like Romney – almost surely disappointing if he gets in. And Obama's like Sanchez, already in there and disappointing us right now." –Jay Leno

"Unlike those Republican primary debates, there was no cheering or applause allowed from the audience tonight in Denver, which was fairly easy to control. They filled the crowd with Colorado Rockies fans." –Jay Leno

"For tomorrow's debate, President Obama's advisers have been working with him to keep his responses short. In fact, the only words the president plans on saying are 'bin Laden' and 'dead.' That's it." –Conan O'Brien

"Are you going to watch the debates? How many wish it was like the NFL and they could just bring in replacement candidates?' –Jay Leno

"Al Gore is going to be covering the debate for his network, Current TV. Al Gore on Current TV, talking about Mitt Romney. That is like the perfect storm of boring." –Jay Leno

"The first debate is tomorrow night and I heard that the Obama campaign is a little worried because during his flight to Nevada on Sunday the president watched four hours of football instead of studying — although it did mark the first time all year that Obama has actually seen something get passed." –Jimmy Fallon

"The debates begin tomorrow night and we'll see Mitt and Ann Romney. Of course, you remember them as the stars of TV's 'Dynasty.'" –David Letterman

"I love the presidential debates. At my house, what we do each night before they begin is we put out a plate of milk and cookies for Jim Lehrer." –David Letterman

"The presidential debate is on Wednesday. Mitt Romney has been preparing for the debate by debating a Republican senator who plays the part of President Obama. Meanwhile, President Obama has been preparing for Romney by debating an ATM machine." –Conan O'Brien

"The presidential debates begin on Wednesday. Romney has taken two days off to prepare. They're going to have practice debates. They're going to do that for two days, and another full day of spray tanning, and he'll be ready to go." –David Letterman

"These debates are tightly controlled. Each side, Obama and Romney, had to agree to 32 pages of rules. It's like being a Kardashian husband." –David Letterman

"With the first presidential debate less than a week away, both the Obama camp and Romney camp are being careful not to overhype their candidates. They're asking voters to lower their expectations and not get too excited. Or as voters put it, 'Way ahead of you. Don't worry about that.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"There are 40 days left until the election. A lot can happen in 40 days -- Obama can make a gaffe, Mitt could win the debates, God can send a flood to destroy all mankind. So, there's hope." –Stephen Colbert

"As part of the strategy for the upcoming presidential debates, the Obama campaign is attempting to lower expectations. And believe, if there's one thing that President Obama is good at lately, it's lowering expectations." –Jay Leno

"I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate." –Craig Ferguson

"With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That's kind of a stretch; a rich white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich white guy from Massachusetts." –Jay Leno

"I read that one of the presidential debates will have a town hall format where citizens will ask the candidates questions. The most common question: 'Are you the only two choices?'" –Jimmy Fallon

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