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Rob Ford Jokes

Best Jokes About Toronto's Crack-Smoking Mayor

By

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

See Also: Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says he's not going anywhere, even after his recent crack scandal. He said he hopes to run for prime minister of Canada one day. When asked what party he'd choose, he said, 'Why choose one? I usually hit, like, five parties a night.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Toronto's city council has voted to drastically reduce Mayor Rob Ford's powers. They say this reduces him to a 'mere figurehead' – which still sounds better than 'crackhead.'" –Jay Leno

"Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto." –Jay Leno

"To make matters worse for Mayor Ford, his reality show was canceled after one airing. They are calling this guy the most embarrassing Ford since the Pinto." –Jay Leno

"Everyone is talking about Toronto's crack-smoking mayor. His reality show has been canceled after one episode. That is the difference between the U.S. and Canada. In America, when somebody goes off the rails we RENEW their reality show." –Conan O'Brien

"Toronto's city council is trying to strip Mayor Rob Ford of his powers. But the mayor is pretty defiant. He told the city council, 'I am definitely not leaving this job.' Hey Mr. Mayor, that's what I used to say!" –Jay Leno

"More trouble for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.  I love this guy. After he admitted to smoking crack, Ford is now threatening to sue his former staffers for saying that he once hired a prostitute. Ford was like,  'That's a lie! I did it WAY more than once.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Actually, he did say that he never hired a prostitute. Then he added, 'Though I tend to black out when I'm really high, so who knows?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"And this isn’t surprising, in the wake of all these problems, Ford now says that he is getting professional help. Of course, the professional's name was 'Cinnamon.'" –Jimmy Fallon

“During a Toronto city council meeting in which members stripped Rob Ford of most of his powers, the controversial mayor charged the gallery and ran over a female council member — before he was finally brought down by the third dart.” –Cecily Strong on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Ever since he admitted to smoking crack in office, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been under siege. The city council has been stripping the mayor of his powers because no one has a sense of humor any more." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Today they took Rob Ford's office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is to represent the city at official functions. That's actually the one I would be worried about." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Every time he's in public, Rob Ford does something great. He's my favorite new reality show. If he lived in America, we would be renewing him for a second season. " –Jimmy Kimmel

"I would love to sit down with Rob Ford. The media make people out to look like they're nuts. But I would like to get a sense of this man. Maybe we could do a buddy cop movie together." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't blame Obama for being fed up. Today he said I'm taking a page out of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's playbook. He said, 'This is not my fault. I was in one of my drunken stupors.'" –Bill Maher on the Obamacare debacle

“Toronto City Council yesterday stripped him of his powers – whatever they are besides staying fat while smoking crack – because they found out that he was at a party recently where he did cocaine, vodka, OxyContin and apparently was cavorting with a prostitute. Rob Ford, always defiant said 'Stop attacking my integrity! Anybody who knows me will tell you I am too s***faced to get it up.'" –Bill Maher

"Toronto's city council voted 39-3 to strip Mayor Rob Ford of some of his powers. Here's the amazing part. The mayor and his brother are being given their own reality show. That's depressing, isn't it? This maniac will have a TV show and I won't." –Jay Leno

"It's another bad week for Rob Ford, the troubled mayor of Toronto. This week he said there may be more skeletons in his closet. More skeletons? I hope they're just old chicken wings he threw in there." –Craig Ferguson

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he smoked crack while he was in office, but he's refusing to step down. Despite all this, he's announced that he'll be hosting a TV show with his brother in Canada. It raises a lot of questions, starting with, 'How can I get Canadian TV?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Rob Ford says he doesn't really know if he'll be a good TV host, but he's willing to take a crack at it." –Jimmy Fallon

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has provided me with so much entertainment this week that I feel like I should pay him a subscription fee. He's like your drunk uncle who is fun but you're just getting old enough to realize why your parents never let him take you anywhere by himself." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted last week to having smoked crack while in office. Since then he has said multiple times that he will not step down. Legally they can't force him to. The city council held a meeting to vote on whether or not to ask him to resign. That seems very Canadian to me." –Jimmy Kimmel

"As I'm sure you're heard by now, the mayor of Toronto, a man named Rob Ford, has admitted to smoking crack cocaine. People should have seen this coming. There were signs, like his campaign slogan: 'Just say yes.'" –Jay Leno

"Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford's approval ratings have skyrocketing since he announced that he's smoking crack cocaine. Is EVERYBODY up there on crack? Is that the deal?" –David Letterman

"President Obama's approval rating is down to 39 percent. And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who admitted to smoking crack cocaine, went up to 49 percent. How does this make Obama feel? He'd be better off smoking crack than passing Obamacare." –Jay Leno

"The mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has admitted that he smoked crack a year ago when he was in a quote, 'drunken stupor.' Geez, if that guy smokes crack when he's drunk, I'd hate to see what happens when he smokes crack." –Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's "Top Ten Words Used To Describe Toronto Mayor Rob Ford"

10. Crack-nadian
9. Torontoker
8. Molson-of-a-bitch
7. The round mound of unwound
6. Winning!
5. Neckless
4. Shame-resistant
3. Sweating enthusiast
2. Chin-fo-tainment
1. Large-and-no-longer-in-charge

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