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Donald Trump Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Donald Trump

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Donald Trump Jokes
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"Yesterday in New York City, Donald Trump officially changed his political affiliation from Republican to Independent. And Donald's hair has switched from pelt to carpet sample." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late night comedians." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won 'Apprentice.' Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands." —Conan O'Brien

"The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump." —Jay Leno

Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama's birth certificate to make sure that it's real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump's hair." —Jimmy Fallon

"They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas." —Jon Stewart

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." —Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate." –Jay Leno

"Gary Busey said on the 'Today Show' yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said he'd release his personal tax returns if Obama shows his birth certificate, which is probably the first you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine in a presidential campaign since, well, Clinton probably." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything." –Jimmy Kimmel

"NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew 'The Apprentice.' So some good may come out of this." –Conan O'Brien

‎"There is little doubt what Trump's eventual announcement will be because he's already decided to run in his mind. That means he's a shoe-in because that's where all his supporters are." –Stephen Colbert

"Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of "Celebrity Apprentice" wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let any reality get in the way of his reality show." –Jay Leno

"According to a CNN poll, Trump nearly doubled his support from March. Actually, he just combed his March numbers over his current ones." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' Not to be outdone, the same night the Cake Boss will reveal his plan for overhauling Medicare." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'" –David Letterman

"In an interview yesterday, Donald Trump said he has a good relationship with 'the blacks.' Well, not anymore." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations." –Craig Ferguson

"Donald Trump might be running for president and he just released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as 'blue' and his hair as 'ridiculous.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?" –David Letterman

"Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know." –David Letterman

"Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs — another blonde airhead." —Bill Maher

"Trump is very reluctant to release his tax returns. Either he doesn’t make as much money as he wants people to think he does, or he doesn't want anyone to know he claims his hairpiece as a dependent." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?" –Seth Meyers

"Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?'" —Bill Maher

"Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn't born in this country." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever -- I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before." –Jay Leno

"In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said 'I believe in god.' But of course Donald thought he was talking about himself." –Jay Leno

"Maybe he should ease into this - by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge." –Jimmy Kimmel

"On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump says he will run for president. He'll have to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head." –David Letterman

"Donald Trump is attacking President Obama's background. And I said, 'Wait a minute, Trump also is from a mixed background. He's half jack and half ass.'" –David Letterman

"Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'" –Lewis Black

"Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents -- doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem..." –Lewis Black, on Donald Trump

"This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole." –Lewis Black

"Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant." –David Letterman

"How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One." –David Letterman

"It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened." –Conan O'Brien
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