Joe Lieberman Jokes

"Joe Lieberman lost his own party's nomination. He was beaten by newcomer Ned Lamont, or you might know him as, 'Who? What?' ... But to Joe Lieberman's credit, he was just as dull in defeat as he would have been in victory." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people thought Joe Lieberman lost because of the kiss that President Bush gave him at the State of the Union Address. So let that be a little lesson for all you Democratic senators out there. You want to keep your job, don't make out with President Bush in public." --Jay Leno

"People were stunned. He could have been vice president of the United States. To give you an idea of how bad Lieberman got beat, even Mel Gibson felt sorry for him." --Jay Leno

"Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman (Watch video clip)

"It was a disappointing primary season for Lieberman, but on the plus side his campaign was long, quiet and depressing enough to qualify as a Jewish holiday." --Tina Fey

"Because of poor results at the primaries last night, Senator Joe Lieberman will be dropping out of the race. Earlier today, he broke the news to his supporter." --David Letterman

"The latest CNN Gallup poll is in, and I don't want to say he did badly, but Joe Lieberman had to concede again." --Craig Kilborn

"Joe Lieberman placed fifth in the New Hampshire primary, claimed it was a three-way tie for third. Lost by 30 points, but is staying in. I think he's taking up history here. He wants a chance to prove that losing in 2000 was no fluke." --Bill Maher

"I feel great, I'm on the new Joe Lieberman diet. No matter what I do I just keep losing and losing and losing." --Jay Leno

"Lieberman did well in the exit polls. Every poll said he should exit. ... He came in fifth. The man skipped Iowa and moved to New Hampshire. Even Seabiscuit is going, 'Lieberman give it up.'" --Jay Leno

The rumor is Lieberman may be suspending his campaign. He said he's going to pool all his remaining resources and just play Lotto. The odds are better." --Jay Leno

"Candidate Joe Lieberman insists that he is not thinking about the polls, which is ironic because the polls show that nobody is thinking about him." --Jay Leno

"Senator Joe Lieberman — he skipped Iowa — he's now devoting all his energy to loosing in New Hampshire." --Jay Leno

"Good news for Democratic hopeful Joe Lieberman. According to the polls, he just pulled ahead of mad cow disease." --Craig Kilborn

"Big news — Carol Moseley Braun dropped out of the Democratic presidential race after a poll revealed she was only 98 points ahead of Joe Lieberman." —Craig Kilborn

"Senator Joe Lieberman said his campaign is now picking up momentum, which tends to happen when you're rolling downhill." —Jay Leno

"Al Gore skipped over his buddy Joe Lieberman and decided to endorse Howard Dean for the presidency. This is a great fit because Dean is a doctor and Gore is a corpse." —Jay Leno

"Today, Al Gore called Joe Lieberman on the phone and the call lasted just five minutes. No one was angry, they just both fell asleep." —Craig Kilborn

"Earlier today, Howard Dean picked up the endorsement of Al Gore. But it's still a dead heat because Joe Lieberman picked up the endorsement of a coat rack." —Craig Kilborn

"Leading Democratic contender Howard Dean says he stopped drinking 22 years ago and hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since. On the other hand, Joe Lieberman took a look at his poll numbers and started drinking pretty heavily." —Jay Leno

Presidential candidate Joe Lieberman took a shot at frontrunner Howard Dean. He said Howard Dean is a ticket to nowhere. So at least Lieberman will have someone to ride with now." —Jay Leno

"Joe Lieberman announced yesterday that he's running for president. He made the announcement at his old high school. Out of force of habit, the kids gave him a wedgie and broke his glasses." —Jay Leno

"On Monday, Senator Joe Lieberman will announce his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination while speaking at his old high school. To recreate the feel of his old high school days, Senator Lieberman will make the announcement from inside a locker." —Jimmy Fallon

"If Lieberman wins, he won't be the first Jewish-American to hold the presidency in his hands. That was Monica Lewinksy." —Jay Leno

"Did you hear about the controversy surrounding the Joe Lieberman campaign? Turns out years ago he may have experimented with charisma." —Craig Kilborn