Presidential Debate Jokes

"Ralph Nader couldn't get into the debates in Florida. But here's the good news: Nader will be making a special appearance on 'CSI: Miami' as a guest cadaver" --David Letterman

"John Kerry will debate President Bush in Florida. Right now Kerry has a bad cold, you can barely understand what he's saying, so it looks like it should be a fair fight. In fact his voice is so bad, doctors have advised him to rest his throat and only give one position on each issue for awhile." --Jay Leno

"They've scheduled the presidential debates. It'll be John Kerry and George Bush. There's going to be three debates. And there's going to be categories. Each debate will have a separate category. First category is domestic policy. Second category is foreign policy. The third category will be girl groups from the '60s." --David Letterman

"The first debate will actually take place in Miami, Florida. Boy, first all those hurricanes, now Bush and Kerry ... Haven't these people suffered enough?" --Jay Leno

"Ralph Nader says he is going to participate in the presidential debates. OK, he'll be at home yelling at the screen." --Jay Leno

"While meeting with minority journalists Kerry was asked last week if he would have gone to war if Saddam Hussein would have refused to disarm. He said 'You bet we might have.' Can you imagine when he and Bush debate? One guy can't speak his mind and the other can't make up this mind." --Jay Leno

"They say John Kerry has already begun preparing for the debates. He's thinking of starting off by having his wife buy everyone in the audience a new car." --Jay Leno

"The new rule for the debate this year: candidates can't touch each other. ... This is the result of a last series of debates where Al Gore tried to get George Bush to dirty dance." --David Letterman

"Bush and Kerry have agreed to three debates. The first debate will cover the 1960s and the second debate the early '70s and in the third debate if there's time, some topical issues." --Jay Leno

"Bush and Kerry are still arguing over the details of the debates. Here's what I'd like to see: Can they get the orchestra from the Emmy Awards for the debates? So when a candidate starts going on and on ... just play that song until they shut up." --Jay Leno "In politics, the candidates keep making new demands for the debates. Hey, how about two new candidates and no debates?" --Drew Carey