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The 25 Funniest Quotes of 2005

Funny Quotes by Politicians, Pundits and Comedians

By

25) "No Froot Loops!" --Saddam Hussein, getting upset at his guards when offered a substitute for his breakfast cereal of choice, Raisin Bran Crunch

24) "I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Newman is in charge in Washington. " --Sen. Hillary Clinton, describing President Bush's attitude toward tough issues with Newman's catchphrase "What, me worry?"

23) "Sen. Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno

22) "President Bush is going on his annual vacation. The White House says he goes to his Texas Ranch to unwind. I'm thinking, when does he wind?" --David Letterman

21) "I had no idea that if you wanted a show canceled, all you had to do was say it out loud." --Jon Stewart, on CNN's decision to cancel of "Crossfire," three months after his brutal exchange with host Tucker Carlson

20) "George Bush doesn't care about black people." –rapper Kanye West, going off-script during a Hurricane Katrina relief broadcast (Watch video clip)

19) "George Bush hates midgets." --Comedian Chris Rock, during a subsequent Hurricane Katrina telethon (Watch video clip)

18) "Ted is understandably bitter having lost his ratings, his network and now his mind -- we wish him well." --A Fox spokesperson, after CNN founder Ted Turner criticized the Fox network as a "propaganda voice" of the Bush administration and compared Fox News Channel's popularity to Adolf Hitler's rise to power in Germany before World War II

17) "I had one guy one night, he introduced me at a speech, and over and over again he said every Viagra joke he could think of. So, I got up and said I really appreciate it and I bought you a year supply -- here's one tablet." --Former Sen. Bob Dole, on being a pitchman for Viagra

16) "Usually the way it works is people prostitute themselves after they become reporters." --Gay male prostitute-turned White House correspondent Jeff Gannon

15) "You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden." --Jon Stewart

14) "Taking a page from their tsunami playbook, the White House announced today that former presidents Bush and Bill Clinton will head up the fundraising efforts for the hurricane relief. And you know, Bill Clinton is no stranger to this kind of thing. He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster." --Bill Maher

13) "Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people." --Jon Stewart

12) "This past weekend, the Democratic National Committee made it official -- electing former governor and one-time shoe-in Howard Dean as their new party chairman. As a doctor they're hoping he can reattach the ass handed to the Democrats in the past election. ... You know, there's something stirring about the peaceful transfer of no power." --Jon Stewart

11) "He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton." –Bill Maher, on President Bush

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