The 25 Funniest Political Quotes of 2008

1. "I can see Russia from my house!" --Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live (Watch video)

2. On undecided voters: "I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of sh*t with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked." --David Sedaris

3. "This campaign needed the common touch of a working man. After all, it began so long ago with the heralded arrival of a man known to Oprah Winfrey as 'The One.' Being a friend and colleague of Barack, I just called him 'That One.'" --John McCain, in his comedy routine at the Al Smith Dinner

4. "Even in this room full of proud Manhattan Democrats. I can't shake that feeling that some people here are pulling for me ... I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary." --John McCain, at the Al Smith Dinner

5. "Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome." --Barack Obama, in his comedy routine at the Al Smith Dinner

6. "He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox … He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors … He looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings … He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything." --David Letterman (Read more of Letterman's jabs at Old Man McCain)

7. "After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." --Jon Stewart, on Barack Obama's Middle East trip

8. "This doesn't smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody's putting something in his Metamucil." --David Letterman, on John McCain suspending his campaign and canceling his appearance on the "Late Show"

9. "McCain suspended his campaign, said the debate had to be canceled, he went to Washington, screwed up the deal, and then un-suspended his campaign and flew to the debate even though there wasn't a deal. Usually when a 72-year-old man acts this way, this is when the kids start calling nursing homes." --Bill Maher

10. On taking sides in the election: "If you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do? [Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie 'Nell.' They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language. Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five f**ing weeks ago." --Jon Stewart

11. "Things aren't looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she's just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing." --Jay Leno

12. "I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." --Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin in the VP debate (Watch video)

13. "Sarah Palin was asked a question by a third grader and she got it wrong. She apparently still does not know what the vice president does ... She says he or she runs the Senate. No, not in this country. You know I would never accuse George Bush of being a bright man, but when he was elected, at least he knew which building to show up to." --Bill Maher

14. "He looks like the photo that comes with the frame ... He looks like a tennis pro at a restricted country club ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like the closer at a Cadillac dealership." --David Letterman, on Mitt Romney (Read more of Letterman's Romney ridicule)

15. "In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. Or, as Democrats call it, Barack Obama." --Bill Maher

Next > More Funny Quotes by Obama, McCain and Palin

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

Email to a Friend