"In case you missed it, a few days ago Senator Clinton tried to spend $1 million on the Woodstock Concert Museum. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I wasn't there. I'm sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time." --on the years he spent as a P.O.W. in Vietnam (Watch video clip)
"Thanks for the question, you little jerk." -- John McCain, after being asked by a high school student if he was too old to be president. For good measure, McCain then threatened to draft him. (Watch video clip)
"Presidential ambition is a disease that can only be cured by embalming fluid."
"I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein, but I've learned a few things along the way."
"Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it." --to reporters in New Hampshire after being asked him about Mitt Romney
"Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a Washington for the simpleminded."
"We spent $3 million to study the DNA of bears in Montana. I don't know if that was a paternity issue or a criminal issue." --on wasteful congressional spending
"I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?"
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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