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Pope Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Pope John Paul

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"Right now, all the world leaders are headed to Rome. President Bush flew to the Vatican today, and he told reporters he had tremendous respect for Pope John Paul II. Then, here's the bad part, Bush added, 'I was also a big fan of his dad, Pope John Paul I." --Conan O'Brien

"The pope's funeral continues. They keep coming up with these new facts all the time. I was watching it today, and they said that the Vatican, just today, released the pope's will to the public. I didn't know that he had a will. The surprising thing is, he left everything to the Church of Scientology." --Conan O'Brien

"As you've probably heard, the Pope has asked all the Cardinals to return to Rome. You know how they got them all to come back? They told them that there was going to be a performance by the Vienna Boys Choir." --Jay Leno

"Pope John Paul said he's worried about the declining number of priests in the United States. On the other hand, it shows that our justice system is working." –-Jay Leno

"The Pope announced that he is going to say mass in Israel next year. When asked why, the Pope said, 'I want to perform for a crowd that hasn't heard any of my material before.'" –-Conan O'Brien

"The Pope and President Clinton met. When you think about it, the Pope is probably the only guy in the world who's had more people kneel in front of him than President Clinton." –-Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the Pope in Rome. Did you see the picture of the two of them? Man, that poor guy, he has a blank look on his face like he doesn't know where he is. Then, the Pope told him, just be quiet and relax." --David Letterman

"You know that science teacher who had sex with her fifteen-year-old male student? She was trying to teach him the Big Bang theory. After hearing about her the Pope thought maybe women are ready to become priests." –-Jay Leno

"Important news from the Vatican, the Pope has ordered ten new commandments." –-David Letterman

"The Pope got heckled today while he was saying mass. The Pope heckled. One of the Cardinals said, 'We should never have started that two-drink minimum.'" –-Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is going to visit the Vatican. He says he's looking forward to meeting the Pope and Mrs. Pope." –-Conan O'Brien

"A recent survey found that the two most admired men in America are President Clinton and the Pope. The Pope? President Clinton? One commits sin and the other is about forgiving it. The Pope hears this, he'll be thinking, 'How do I beat this guy?!'" –-Jay Leno

"The Vatican is releasing a new CD that features Pope John Paul II reciting prayers while classical and rock music play underneath. I think the Pope is taking this thing a bit too far because today he announced he's having a feud with West Coast rappers." –-Conan O'Brien

"Pope John Paul II is 82, but it's a young 82. He and the Cardinals celebrated at the Vatican Hooters." –-David Letterman
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