Chris Christie Jokes

See Also:
• Latest Late-Night Jokes
• Mitt Romney Jokes
• Best Jokes About the GOP Candidates

"Celebrity birthday today: Chris Christie turned 50. He blew out the candles on his cake, and he wished for another cake."

"A billion dollars will be spent on potato chips for Super Bowl Sunday -- and that's just at Gov. Christie's house."

"I think Chris Christie is a good choice for the keynote speaker. I mean, is there a better symbol for belt tightening than Chris Christie?" –David Letterman

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is doing the keynote speech at the Republican Convention. He didn't want to, but they're going to lure him in by having Paul Ryan drive the Wienermobile." –Bill Maher

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, and wherever Chris Christie goes you know what that means. That's right, unlimited bread sticks." –David Letterman

"Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he's not sure if he's going to run for re-election next year. He's said, 'I'll collapse that bridge when I get to it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"It looks like the Republicans are going back to the strategy of 2008 where Obama is characterized as a celebrity. Says the party who is gay for Ronald Reagan. Come on, you can't worship Ronald Reagan and then attack Obama for being a celebrity. That's like running Chris Christie and saying Obama has a fat ass." –Bill Maher


"In the last year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s approval rating has gone up 12 points. That's impressive. Usually, the only time he picks up a dozen is when he goes to Krispy Kreme." –Jimmy Fallon

"Last night Newark Mayor Cory Booker rescued a woman trapped inside a burning house. Not to be outdone, Governor Chris Christie rescued a Tostito that fell in his artichoke dip." –Jimmy Fallon

“Bad news for the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. While celebrating Easter they rushed him to the hospital with an impacted peep.” –David Letterman

“Opening in New Jersey tomorrow is the circus. They put up the big tent, although this year it’s Governor Christie’s pants.” –David Letterman

“Opening in New Jersey tomorrow is the circus. They put up the big tent, although this year it’s Governor Christie’s pants.” –David Letterman

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn't a steak." –Jimmy Fallon

"Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if there's one thing Christie hates, it's a small pie." –Jay Leno

"Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie announced that he's endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It's good news for Romney. I mean, you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you're in a canoe." –Jimmy Fallon

"And Chris Christie isn't running. This guy had a lot of followers. Most of then were ivory poachers, but still …" –David Letterman

"Chris Christie decided not to run. He had a big decision. He weighed the pros. He weighed the cons. He weighed himself. I like the guy. This is a candidate we could have all gotten behind. Now they’re saying he might be a Vice Presidential candidate. He’d make a great one. I’ll bet this guy knows how to spell 'potato.'" –David Letterman

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie officially announced that he will not be running for president. Do we really want a president who looks like an American League umpire?" –David Letterman

"Chris Christie would have been the first American President visible from space. The Marine Band would have played 'Hail to the Chef.' If he'd run, the Republicans would have had to choose between him and Rick Perry. One's morbidly obese, and the other is morally obtuse." –David Letterman

"People said it's not fair to joke about Chris Christie being fat when they wouldn't make the same kinds of jokes if he were gay. But it's a whole different thing. For one thing, if he were gay, he wouldn't be fat. I'd love to have him in the Oval Office. He'd fit right in." –Jimmy Kimmel

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie lost his laptop. In his lap." –David Letterman

"Gov. Chris Christie keeps saying he's not running for president. On the other hand, he would consider running for Santa." –David Letterman

"Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie." –David Letterman

"Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized yesterday, he had trouble breathing. He first noticed there was a problem when he had difficulty inhaling a pizza." –Bill Maher

"He was in the supermarket, and he felt a tightness in his chest, and then he realized he got stuck in the dairy case. He's OK. The hospital today upgraded his condition to gigantic. The doctors say he was already up and about, and taking helicopters to travel 20 feet." –Bill Maher

"But the doctors said to Governor Christie 'you have got to stop eating ice cream out of big five gallon tubs' and he said 'why?' And the doctor said ‘so I can examine you.'" –Bill Maher

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was rushed to the hospital when he felt he couldn't breathe. Doctors said the condition is called 'living in New Jersey.'" –Jay Leno

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