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Larry Craig Jokes

Late-Night Jokes about Sen. Larry Craig's Bathroom Sex Scandal

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Larry

Larry "Wide Stance" Craig

"Ladies and gentlemen, here is great news. Senator Larry Craig from Idaho ... is looking for interns. What parent doesn't want to hear, 'Well guess what, Dad, I got accepted into Larry Craig's intern program'? But if you're interested, Larry Craig is now accepting applications from interns. Just slide your resume under the stall." --David Letterman

"Senator Larry Craig, who by the way, he's still around. Senator Larry Craig has announced that he's accepting applications for a summer internship. That's true. Applicants should be comfortable with Word, Excel, and gay sex in the men's room" --Conan O'Brien

"You all know Senator Larry Craig, America's favorite restroom enthusiast, we call him. He announced he is taking applications for summer interns to work in his office. ... Isn't that unbelievable? Would you want that on your resume? 'I served under Larry Craig.' All interviews will be conducted in stall number three." --Jay Leno

"Everyone's favorite Idaho senator who did not have gay sex in a public bathroom, Larry Craig, is back in the news. You may remember, he pleaded guilty to public indecency for playing footsie with an undercover cop in the men's room in the Minneapolis airport. Well, not long after that, he decided he was not playing footsie and asked the judge if he could withdraw his guilty plea. Well, the judge today said 'no.' For some reason now, Senator Craig has decided not to resign. ... His fellow Republicans are not happy. They want him out of there. A lot of them stopped talking to him. Some of them have stopped having sex with him." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Senator Craig defiantly vowed today to serve out his term. And when Larry Craig makes a vow, you know he means it. Okay, except for the marriage vow." --Jay Leno

"In fact, Republicans are so mad about him staying, they may ask Cheney to take him out back and shoot him." --Jay Leno

"The airport bathroom where Senator Larry Craig was arrested is now being renovated, and the new bathroom will have stall dividers that go all the way down to the floor. When he heard about the new stall dividers, Senator Craig said, 'It doesn't matter. Love will find a way.'" --Conan O'Brien

"This morning on Capitol Hill ... four bathroom fires broke out inside the Senate office building. Inside one bathroom, three big, burly firemen broke the door down, kicked in the stall, and Senator Craig said, 'My dreams have come true.'" --Jay Leno

"The old, toe-tapping senator from the great state of Idaho, Larry Craig ... has changed his mind and is not going to resign. You know what it is? I don't think he wants to give up the key to the executive washroom. ... You know that bathroom in the Minneapolis airport where he got caught? Well, the airport is now spending a ton of money to build new stall dividers that go all the way to the ground ... to make it a less inviting spot for sexual activity. And today, Senator Craig said, 'Minneapolis, tear down that wall!'" --Jay Leno

"The bathroom stall at the Minneapolis airport where Larry Craig was arrested has now become a tourist attraction where people go to have their pictures taken. Not only that, for $10, Larry Craig will autograph your penis." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, General Petraeus was in Washington testifying before the Senate. After the testimony, Senator Craig said, 'You may not know this, general, but right now I'm saluting you.'" --David Letterman

"Yesterday, General David Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Senator Larry Craig took 73 bathroom breaks." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Craig from Idaho is blaming the media for his guilty plea, especially that cute guy from the Associated Press." --David Letterman

"Restroom enthusiast Senator Larry Craig said today the only reason he plead guilty to that incident in the Minneapolis airport bathroom was because he was being hounded by reporters investigating rumors that he was gay. And what better way to shoot down those rumors, really." --Jay Leno

"Have you heard the latest on men's room enthusiast, Senator Larry Craig? ... He has taken back his guilty plea. ... He's changed it to just curious. ... Have you heard his defense? ... Senator Craig now says his arrest has to be overturned because under the Constitution -- and this is true -- a senator cannot be arrested on his way to or from the Capitol if they are on official business. So apparently, he was striking a blow for freedom." --Jay Leno

"It's kind of ironic. The whole time he was copping a feel, he was actually feeling a cop." --Jay Leno

"But he did say today that if he is found guilty, he would be willing to do some kind of community service. You know, like picking up papers in the men's room." --Jay Leno

"Senator Larry Craig is now saying that his constitutional rights were violated when he was arrested in an airport's men's room. Craig was furious. He said, 'When I got to a men's room, I do the violating.'" --Conan O'Brien

"At first he said he was going to quit, then he said he's not going to quit, now he said he's going to quit again. He wants to fight for his right to potty. You go girl!" --Bill Maher

"Legal experts say that Larry Craig may try to have his guilty plea overturned because he didn't have an attorney present at the time. ... To prevent this from happening in the future, Craig now brings at least one attorney into each bathroom stall." --Conan O'Brien

"Larry Craig having second thoughts about resigning, and well I would add he's having second thoughts about tapping his foot in the men's bathroom. ... No, he's changed his mind and he thinks he's going to stay in the Senate, and that occurred to him after he saw the new batch of fall pages." --David Letterman

"Senator Larry Craig announced he's now rethinking his decision to resign from the Senate. He resigned from the Senate and now he's rethinking his decision to resign from Senate. Craig says he's going talk the decision over with his wife, and the guy in stall number 3." --Conan O'Brien

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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