See Also: Best Political Chalkboard Gags from The Simpsons
"Fox News: 'Not Racist, But #1 With Racists" --a new logo for Fox News featured in an episode of "The Simpsons"
"Fox News: 'Unsuitable For Viewers Under 75" --a new logo for Fox News featured in an episode of "The Simpsons"
Bart Simpson: "Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?"
Grampa Simpson: "I figured because the democrats were in power again."
A mock FOX News crawl on "The Simpsons": "Pointless news crawls up at 37 percent. ... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at Foxnews.com. ... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer. ... Dow down 5000 points. ... Study: 92 percent of Democrats are gay. ... JFK posthumously joins Republican Party. ... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple. ... Dan Quayle: Awesome." (Read about the lawsuit FOX News threatened over this joke)
"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." --Mr. Burns
"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars isn't it?" --Barney Gumbel
"Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?" –Homer Simpson
"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way." –Homer Simpson
"I wish we lived in a place more like the America of yesteryear that only exists in the brains of us Republicans." –Ned Flanders
Todd Flanders: "Daddy, what do taxes pay for?"
Ned Flanders: "Oh, why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine! And let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em!"
In the Simpsons episode "The Day the Earth Was Stupid," a spoof of "The War of the Worlds," two aliens talk to each other after launching an invasion and occupation of Springfield and the rest of the planet:
"The Earthlings continue to resent our presence," one alien says. "You said we'd be greeted as liberators!"
"Don't worry, we still have the people's hearts and minds," the other alien replies, holding up a heart and a brain. (Watch video clip)
"This doesn't happen in America. Maybe Ohio, but not America," –Homer Simpson, after being thwarted by an electronic voting machine in his attempt to vote for Barack Obama
Mr. Burns, convening a meeting at the Springfield GOP Headquarters: "Welcome fellow Republicans. To start on new business, brother Hibbert will read a report on our efforts to rename everything after Ronald Reagan."
Hibbert: "All Millard Fillmore schools are now Ronald Reagan. The Mississippi River is now the Mississippi Reagan."
Krusty the Clown, announcing his candidacy for Congress: "Gentlemen, I am your candidate. There's just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up youthful, middle aged indiscretions?"
Mr. Burns: "Are these indiscretions romantic, financial or treasonous?"
Krusty: "Russian hooker, you tell me."
Burns: "We'll say you were on a fact finding mission."
"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." --Homer Simpson
Grampa: "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
Grampa: "Thank you for this award. It is a tribute to this great country that a man who once took a shot at Teddy Roosevelt could win back your trust."
"Ooh! A political discussion at our table. I feel like a Kennedy!" –Lisa Simpson
Reporter: "Welcome to Fox News, your voice for evil. Tonight we'll be interviewing the top two candidates for Springfield's 24th congressional district. For the Republicans, beloved children's entertainer, Krusty the Clown. And for the Democrats, this guy."
Armstrong: "I have a name."
Reporter: "Yes, I'm sure you do comrade. I do appreciate you're being here, you're usually so mired in sleaze, it must be an effort to come down to the studio."
"My piggybank is not entitled to TARP funds." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag
"The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'hail Satan.'" –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag
"I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag. This endorsement of Al Gore just prior to the 2000 election made reference to the "subliminal message" claim during the campaign, in which the word "RAT" briefly appeared in a GOP commercial while Democrats were being mentioned
"I am not the acting president." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, which aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election
"The president did it is not an excuse." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, which aired a day after Bill Clinton was impeached
"No one cares what the definition of 'is' is." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, which was a reference to Bill Clinton's famous quote during the Monica Lewinsky scandal
"I am not smarter than the president." Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, referring to President George W. Bush
"I will not buy a presidential pardon." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, which was a reference to the controversy surrounding the last-minute pardons issued by President Bill Clinton on his last day in office
"I will not scare the vice president." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, which was a reference to Vice President Dick Cheney's heart condition
"It's potato, not potatoe." –Bart Simpson chalkboard gag, poking fun at Dan Quayle's infamous misspelling of potato
~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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