Tom DeLay Jokes

"Big scare down in Washington earlier today. Turned out it was a false alarm. What it was was a lobbyist airlifting money to Tom DeLay." --David Letterman

"Did you know today was take your daughter to work day? Tom DeLay celebrated by taking his daughter to work. He also took his wife, two cousins, and a couple lobbyists" --Jay Leno

"Bush was briefly moved to an underground bunker when an aircraft entered restricted airspace over Washington. ... A false alarm -- it was just Tom DeLay on another free trip paid for by lobbyists." --Jay Leno

"It's spring time. It was so nice in Washington Tom DeLay was accepting cash in the park." --David Letterman

"A man in West Bend, Wisconsin who bought a shirt at the local goodwill store found $2,000 stuffed inside the pocket, isn't that amazing? The more amazing part is how did one of Tom DeLay's old shirts wind up in Wisconsin?" --Jay Leno

"Down in Washington D.C. the feds jumped a guy who was behaving suspiciously and carrying two large suitcases. Turns out it had kind of had a funny ending: he's not a terrorist and the suitcases were full of cash for Tom Delay." --David Letterman

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld warned Iraq's new leaders against hiring their friends and family members for government jobs, and then Majority Leader Tom Delay gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno

"It was reported that House Majority Leader Tom DeLay took several ethically questionable golf trips paid for by foreign lobbyists and that his wife and daughter were paid $500,000 from his own political action committee. DeLay referred to the allegations as 'just another seedy attempt by the liberal media to embarrass me with my own actions words and illegal doings.'" —-Tina Fey

"Tom DeLay is in a little bit of trouble. He says he didn't know that lobbying groups were illegally funding the trips he took all over the world. Don't you love this? When ever these guys are running for office they always tell us how smart they are, how knowledgeable they are, how they know what's going on. As soon as they get caught doing something wrong 'I'm an idiot. I didn't know what was going on.'" —-Jay Leno

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